#so imma try do be productive today

[wish-i-were-heather]

ok wait i might have woken up at 12 but imma try to make today productive 😣😣

[katyobsesses]

I think my Good Week of this month has come and gone 🥺 😔

[mellosdrawings]

*waves and beams exhaustedly but no less genuine* hi! Just wanted to take a moment and let you know that you're art makes me very happy. I do sincerely hope it makes you happy as well and just know you are doing outstanding work.

(I'm kinda feral over how you draw both Azul and Jamil. They are so cute and handsome as well as Jamil's pretty hair.)

I was curious, I saw some people requesting stuff but didn't really see you saying you are taking any, but if you are and don't mind, I would really, really, really love to see Silver x Leona with Silver sleeping sitting up and Leona with his head in his lap (or as an alternative, them both sleeping prone <bed, ground, whatever, the surface is not important> and Leona <the important part> is absolutely using Silver as a body pillow. Just as long as this is a request you'd feel like doing. Don't feel obligated. :D

Finally, because I saw some of your art today and I've been having a bad day—your art made me feel quite a bit better in general, so i wanted to thank you for sharing your gorgeous art with us. Sending you epic vibes and setting the intention that your day as well as your week is productive but not stressful and your weekend is absolutely rejuvenating. Have yourself a fabulous day!~ 💜💜💜

Oooooh a long ask! Ok, Imma try to answer in order not to miss anything.

First, thanks so much for reaching out! I was having a terrible night and you made it better, you have no idea how much it means to me! I'm super happy you like my little nonsense, I hope you'll keep appreciating!

I can't say I take requests, but I also can't say I don't take requests, so really you and others can shoot your shots! At best I'm gonna draw it, at worst I'll kindly decline or keep the request in my inbox until I feel like doing it. The thing is, I can't really "open" requests since my doing them vary a lot depending on my health, so I'd need to open/close it every other day and it'd be a hassle for everybody. Just ask, you lose nothing by doing it, I swear I don't bite <3

Now, for our favorite sleepy boys-

-looks like Silver attracted a whole other kind of animal this time.

(Once again, thank you so much for the kind message, I'm literally glowing despite today being a bad day, and the request was too cute for me not to take forty minutes to do it <3)

[sharklovingaquarist]

My experiences with animal sciences and how practices within them signal issues with women's health. Another long one, sorry ya'll

So someone reblogged my post about the OBGYN field saying that animals in America are treated better than women. What a coincidence that I ran into this issue today! So I was in veterinary science for four years in high school. I had a vet assistant certification and was in the FFA (Future Farmers of America). And when I tell you this inference is not too far off, I mean it. I wouldn't say they're treated better, but the general attitude towards the female body is very much more visible, they dont try to hide it with animals. You can also see connections in many practices. When I got into it, there was also a slight uncomfortable tinge when our class came to reproduction and reproductive techniques that always targeted the female body. Well, first when we looked at endocrine systems, the male was always described as existing for himself. Testosterone was for muscles and strength. But with female, her endocrine was always surrounded with sex and offspring. Estrogen was for going into heat and "being impregnated". Progesterone was to "support a fetus" not help her survive a pregnancy. This really does connect back to the female body being seen as the reproductive tool of the male body. The sole focus in fertility. We still don't even know much about the female endocrine seperate from the focus on offspring. And that goes onto practices. Vaginal speculums, inducing estrus, artificial "insemination", much more. I dont wanna say too much, but my school bred animals. Once they talked about how they induced one of the animals into an estrus by implanting a hormonal device in the cervix. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, because they never do that to male bodies to increase sperm quality. At most they collected sperm from a male animal, but usually willingly.

So what happened today? I shop on chewy for my pets, and I saw estradiol for animals. I was confused at first and wondered why someone would need that, but I remembered how animals are induced. So I clicked hoping it wasn't the case. Nope that's the case. However when you read further you see there's actually some benefits to estradiol for some individuals. So let's analyze this.

The first thing you see in description is: "Estradiol is used to induce estrus, a state of sexual receptivity during which the female will accept the male and is capable of conceiving."

So let's address how using estrogen for this purpose is just really weird. Excess estrogen can cause a lot of health issues, most notably (to me at least) CANCER. Animals go into estrus on their own. Also let's talk about "will accept the male". So sexual selection doesn't exist anymore? That's the thing with this crowd. They see female hormones as something robotic. They think estrus makes females bend over to any male they find. And again, why is there almost never something for males to decrease chances of sperm deformity?

Ok let's go down to uses: "Estradiol can be used to enhance estrus behavior and receptivity in ovariectomized mares and aid mares with estrogen-responsive urinary incontinence."

So they're saying you use this product to increase estrus symptoms in mares who have had their ovaries removed. Why? Fuck if I know. Could be behavioral, I doubt surrogacy due to a lack of ovaries (most responsible for hormone synthesis). So Imma go to the next part. When you get to the bottom you see that it helps urinary issues. So now we are FINALLY at the part where it actually benefits a female body and not just making a female into a breeding machine. So it does have a benefit, it can help female animals with incontinence! It's just that they are valued as production rather than a living being

Finally we get to precautions: "Estradiol is contraindicated during pregnancy as it can cause fetal malformations of the genitourinary system and induce bone marrow depression in the fetus. Estradiol cypionate should not be used to treat estrogen-responsive incontinence in small animals."

So I was actually kinda surprised they explained why (AND TESTED) why a hormone/medication shouldn't be used during pregnancy! Usually, with animals, they actually admit they never tested it with pregnant animals, of which I suspect to be the same with humans. They'd rather just say "yeah uh don't take it" instead of actually paying attention to female bodies, because again you are just a vessel. Also the fact that they never test how medications effect male reproduction, thats something that carries onto humans aswell. They would never limit a man even if he causes issues to another human. Anyways, my reasoning as to why they actually knew this time comes down to them paying close attention to female hormones... but only when it comes into play with a fetus. Trust, they know ALLLLLLL about the female body- WHEN ITS ABOUT A FETUS THOUGH! And again we see the death and malformation of a fetus as a negative for the fetus and not the female. They don't mention how this situation could ALSO effect the female animal. I would assume natural abortion would take place, which is dangerous. The thing is they'll study the effects on a fetus not a living breathing female. And throughout my experience with animals, I've learned that a reproductive adult will always be more valued by nature than a fetus. The health of your parent animal dictates success the most. However you always hear about how to stay pregnant or support fetal growth, the best thing to focus on is FEMALE HEALTH. We aren't vessels. However humans seem to have that twisted. I'll get into that on another post with prenatal vitamins.

So take what you want from this and run, if you've even gotten this far. I know it was long. Im still in science, just non-mammalian. I am by no means a professional but I feel the need to put my feelings out there. To all the feminists in medical or any other biological sciences, I wish you luck. Shit is so tiring.

[josephquinnswhore]

i'm having a kinda rough week and i just want pedro and reader lying on a couch in a living room and he's in one of his cozy cardigans, on top of reader while them playing his soft curls, giving him some kissies and he's slowly dozing off

i LOVE your writing<3!! and this is my first ever req to ur blog i hope u'll do it!!

(and i hope u having/had a great day <3!!)

Content - pedro pascal x female reader

Summary: lazing on the lounge with Pedro is the perfect way to spend your afternoon.

Word Count: 0.8k

Content warning: Fluff! Tiny bit of sadness if you squint.

Note: I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a rough week. I feel you, so imma write this for you. This is the sweater I imagine Pedro wearing. Hope you feel better soon and love this fic 🫶🏼 feel free to send me a message if you wanna talk to someone. Also I’m sorry this is short my brain is fried from being mentally in a bad place :(

After the week you’d had all you wanted was Pedro. Nothing more, nothing less. The stress in your life was building, like a water in a balloon begging to burst at the weight it couldn’t bare, like the balloon, you couldn’t bare the weight on your shoulders any longer.

Pedro had asked what you’d wanted to do today, how you wanted to spend the day, if at all with him. Of course you did, you needed him, he was your lifeline when things got tough. He would guide you through the darkness like a torch with everlasting batteries, as long as you needed him, his light never dimmed.

“What do you wanna do today sweetheart, hm?” The softness of his voice drew you into his comfort, the way his fingers curl around your hair as he scratches your scalp sends tingles down your spine in delight, relieving you of some thoughts that had been bothering you.

“Can we stay inside today, just wanna lay down an cuddle if that’s okay.” You notice how his brows pinch momentarily, you begin to wonder if he had wanted to do something productive today. Before you could start to overthink he takes your hand and leads you to the living room, and sits you down on your couch.

“Of course we can sweetheart. You get yourself comfortable, I’ll put on a movie.” With the palm of your hand, you squish the pillow that’s already on the lounge until it’s comfortable to your liking, it sinks under your head and the pressure that had built in your neck seemed to disappear once the weight of your head was no longer held up.

Pedro turns to you once he’s out on the movie; one of your favourites. The picture on the screen is almost hypnotising, your comfort movie being one you’ve watched hundreds of times, a fine distraction.

“Move your legs sweetheart.” He pats your legs, trying to sit near your feet but you protest, keeping your legs still. “Can you lay on top of me?” You make grabby hands at him and he understands, smiling at you as you beg for his affection, he shifts his body and gently lowers himself down on top of you, you open your legs to make room for his and curl your own around him.

The weight of him makes you sigh in content, he wasn’t worried about crushing you, you’d done this dozens of times; he knew when you’d asked him to do this you really needed it, there was never a time he’d denied your request, how could he? When he could physically feel your body relax u der him, the tension in your body melts like butter. He notices how your breathing always regulates and becomes more calm, no more deep and rushed breathing. The thing he loves the most is when your fingers curl around his hair, especially that spot on the nape of his neck.

“You’re so strong. I’ve always admired your resilience you know, you don’t always have to be so brave for everyone.” Although his voice is quiet, it still rumbles as it vibrates on your chest. The confession is sweet, like honey it sticks; you would remember this eternally. You reply with a kiss to the top of his head.

His head is on your chest, rising and falling with you as you take steady breaths. You reach up and pull the blanket that sits on top of the lounge, adjusting it to cover the both of you as he watches the movie.

You’re too distracted to concentrate on it though, too enamoured by the softness of Pedro’s curly hair, tugging lightly at the nape of his neck, you feel the goosebumps form on his skin as you do so. His body becomes slightly heavier as he relaxes into you, the weight creating a sensation of something familiar to a weighted blanket, but also weightlessness. You feel calm, like you never had nothing to worry about in the first place.

With your free hand you rub your hand up and down his left arm, he tightens it around your waist as he tucks it under your back, as if he could possibly get any closer. Pedro was losing it, between the fingers tangled in his hair and the gentle caress of your hand on his arm, his eyelids feel heavy, he feels bad for it. He’s meant to be taking care of you, knows how badly you’re feeling and wants to take care of you, but he can’t help it; it’s almost like a spell and he’s compliant in its entirety.

You notice him fighting it, eyelids fluttering open every few seconds and head jolting trying to stay awake, “go to sleep baby.” You mumble. The softness of his sweater between your fingers makes it easy to glide your hand back and forth in a gentle caress.

He had you; he always had you. You were never going to fall with this man in your life; he would catch you, every time, no matter how many times you’d fall. You couldn’t help the smile on your lips as his chest heaves and the little snores that escape his lips. Yeah, things would be okay.

[thepouletgalactique]

Annular Eclipse Fairy / Kreslas Reference

I'm finally releasing a little project I've had in mind for a long time. @ayyy-imma-ninja's incredible universe inspired me, so I decided to make a crossover between our two universes.

I hope you like this little project, @ayyy-imma-ninja 🥺

For now, this is just the prologue. The plot will feature @ayyy-imma-ninja's 3 fairies as well as characters I've invented myself for the sequel. Please be patient~

Warning: this little story is not canon to @ayyy-imma-ninja's, please don't associate what I do to what Meg does. My work is less qualitative than what she produces, so please consider this plot as fanfiction. Respect her work.

Now good reading~✨

(Production dated 11/02/2023)

-- Prologue Part 1 --

Kreslas : You're not in bed yet?

Gysper was leaning against what looked like a miniature handmade desk, lit by a firefly set against the wall of their den. 

He quickly turned his gaze to where the voice emanated from.

It was Kreslas, crouching at the edge of the entrance.

The two fairies lived in a tree cavity with other congeners of several different species. Fairies tended to live alone; nevertheless, over time, they had organized themselves into a community, like an isolated village in the middle of a forest. Each had its own den to live in, with the exception of the Rain Fairy, who had long since decided to take in the wild Eclipse Fairy, which was frowned upon in the village.

Gypser : And you're back late from your rounds.

Night had now fallen for several hours and darkness had blanketed the sleepy village. Only the gleaming pupils of Kreslas and his imposing silhouette stood out in the night.  

The Eclipse fairy went inside and answered.

Kreslas: The surveillance team and I were quite busy this evening... 

For Kreslas, strange things had happened today, but he preferred to avoid the subject, as Gypser was usually quite anxious. He turned the conversation to what was keeping his companion awake... He approached to look over his shoulder, placing one hand on the other, and asked.

Kreslas: What's keeping you up so late? 

Gypser hurriedly put away the parchments he'd been scribbling on a few moments ago. 

Gypser: Nothing special, I had things to do.

Kreslas raises an eyebrow with an amused smile, he wasn't fooled. In fact, he knew what the little fairy was up to. 

Kreslas: Ho "nothing special” ? Like how to organize food supplies for this winter? You know there's still 5 months to go.

Unmasked by his intentions, Gysper tried to justify himself by stammering. 

Gypser: Autumn is approaching soon, I can feel the seasons changing. Rainy, cold weather is just around the corner. We need to make sure all food stocks are full for the village. And also calculate the expiry of food; organize stocks by type of food; calculate rations; above all plan for emergency reasons; also plan for potential problems and...

Still smirk on face, the big fairy watched him explain himself, gesturing all the while. He straightened up, then crossed his arms, unconvinced by his answer.

Seeing that Kreslas didn't approve of his excuses, he stopped, sighed and placed his hands on the desk. His fingers tightened slightly in concern over the parchments on the desk. 

Gysper: I'm just forward-thinking... And worried... Especially after the thefts that took place there a while ago…

Kreslas: I know, I just don't like to see you so stressed... Don't worry, we'll find who did this.

He says, trying to reassure him. 

Gysper: I'm not so much worried about who did it, but about the repercussions it could have. I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't want the village to be endangered in any way.

Anxiety growing in his voice as well as in his being, he closed his eyes, calmed down for a moment and then smiled slightly. 

Gypser: But I don't doubt you, you've always been a good hunter.

In a burst of tenderness, he rose from his chair and embraced the waist of his partner. 

Feeling those tiny hands clasping me, his heart vibrated from within his chest. Teasingly, he continued.

Kreslas: On the other hand, when the prey come to me on their own, things simplify considerably.

Easily, he lifted him up and nibbled lightly on his neck with his sharp teeth, all the while making comical mouth noises that made Gypser burst out laughing. 

Their sizes were very significant. Kreslas usually towered over the other fairies by a head, measuring around 20 cm/7.9 inch, while Gypser was a head shorter than the others, measuring more like 13 cm/5.2 inch.

They enjoyed the moment embracing each other for a few seconds, before Gypser asked curiously.

Gypser: Tell me what happened, it's not often you're home this late...

Kreslas lifted his head from his shoulder to stare at him. Hesitant to answer, he put him down. 

Kreslas: The patrol and I found a trap... In the stock that was stolen a few weeks ago...

He tilted his head.

Gypser: Do you think it's the same fairy who came to steal? Could it have come from other villages in the area?

Kreslas: No, I don't think it was a fairy, the trap was far too... heavy and sophisticated to be a trap built by a fairy. I also found footprints. Footsteps from "bigger than us".

Gypser jumped.

Gypser: Could they be fairy hunters?! I thought there hadn't been any for a long time! 

Kreslas: It could be one of them. The "bigger than us" are evolving, but we're still desired creatures. The village has faced hunter attacks in the past, so we need to be on our guard. The theft last time may have been a way of knowing that this stock belonged to fairies or an animal, so I was stupid to suggest that the village ransom the entrance...

Gypser: You're not stupid, you wanted to do the right thing to keep the village safe. It's a good thing this stockpile isn't close to the village. We need to alert the other villages around here. 

Kreslas: I don't understand why they didn't warn of a potential intrusion earlier. The day shift hasn't heard from them for a while... They've sent signals again today, with no response.

Gypser: That's really strange... I hope nothing's happened to them. 

A few seconds of thought passed before the Eclipse fairy spoke again.

Kreslas: Tomorrow I'll go and check on you, flying high in the foliage so as not to attract attention. You, spread the word in our village and try to get out as little as possible. We have to be careful.

His heart raced at the idea of Kreslas moving away from the village; he'd done it to parts before, but not in such an urgent situation. 

Gypser: Please, be careful... 

Seeing Gypser's anxiety grow in his eyes, he smiled slightly and stroked one of his petals.

Kreslas: I promise. 

Gysper remained tense all the same. Staring into space, he was already thinking the worst, biting his thumbnail in stress. Kreslas took his hands, slipping his fingers between his own. 

Kreslas: But now it's time to rest.

Trying to dodge Kreslas' directions, he turned back to his desk. 

Gysper: But first I just have a couple of things to finish-

He let out a small gasp of surprise before finishing his sentence. Kreslas had already caught him before he could reach his chair, pinning him down with his arms and lifting him off the floor. A teasing smile played across his face. 

Kreslas: Where are you going? No more excuses now. At ease! 

The little fairy jiggled as she tried to shake him off. 

Gysper: Hey, it'll only take a few minutes!

Kreslas: You always say the same thing and end up falling asleep with your nose on your desk! You can continue tomorrow with a clear mind. 

A small chuckle came from Gypser's mouth, then he sighed, defeated. 

Gysper: Okay, okay, but I need you to put me down so I can change. 

He chuckled before putting it down gently and setting up his extinguisher. Gysper looked for something to change into for the night. 

Krelas, for his part, didn't have any specific clothes to rest in, so he contented himself with watching his partner frantically rummaging through his belongings.

But his attention was suddenly drawn to something outside, far away in the gloom. He began to stare intently at the outside of the den.

An unexplained shiver ran down his spine.

Something was bothering him, the wind was blowing abnormally for him, but he couldn't explain it. Krelas was very familiar with the sounds of foliage from his wilderness days, before he met Gysper. The sound of nature was no longer a secret to him. 

He continued to examine the void, unable to look away. A bad feeling was slowly creeping up on him. Was it paranoia?

Gypser had chosen his outfit and was about to put it on when he watched Kreslas furtively scan the entrance. Curious and concerned, he asked. 

Gypser: Is everything all right? Did you see anything? 

His companion's voice roused him from his torpor, and he shook his head to regain his composure. 

Kreslas: No, everything's fine. I'm just a little tired. Let's get some sleep...

He didn't want to worry any further with unfounded premonitions. 

Yet Gypser's anxiety had not subsided. Kreslas still had some wild attitudes, including his sensitivity to the dangers and things around him.

Just as he was about to ask the same question, a rumbling sounded behind the trees. Something was approaching at high speed, a creature looming up in front of them. The two fairies had never seen anything like it before. 

The creature before them was black with spinning wings, linked on either side by metal rods, producing a deafening din. It also had a sturdy, smooth black frame. A silver logo representing two Laurel branches, a crown and a pistol bullet were visible on its sides. Finally, an intense red light resembling a eye seemed to be watching them intently with lifeless and emotionless.

The creature was facing them. Blocking the only exit, pointing something at them.

Taken by surprise, both were frozen, time seemed to stand still for a moment. Gypser's eyes widened. Petrified on the spot, he clutched his clothes tightly. For Kreslas, the only priority was to protect Gypser. Instinctively, he rushed towards Gypser, hoping to reach him in time. 

Kreslas: Gypser! Get down!

In his rush, the metal monster fired. An explosion followed by a dazzling flash then a thick cloud of nauseating smoke gradually filled the room. 

Kreslas was thrown against the wall of their lair and lost sight of Gypser.

Other vermin of the same type arrived on either side of the village and fired into the other dens. Taken by surprise, few fairies managed to escape. Those who did were either captured by nets and dragged to the ground, or crushed by the flying things hurtling at them.

Disoriented, Krelas got to his feet despite the pain. His head was spinning and nausea was rising in his throat, the shock had weakened him. He groped the walls for his companion. His vision was blurred by the thick smoke and the wounds inflicted by the explosion. 

After a few minutes of fruitless searching, his strength suddenly left him due to the cloud of gas.

Sore and feeling his body getting heavier and heavier, he collapsed to the ground while, outside, the cries of other fairies echoed under the explosions. 

The cold ground kept him slightly awake.

Powerless, he used the last of his strength to concentrate on the surrounding noises, the cries and explosions continuing for a few minutes until silence returned. Then the ground began to tremble, as something climbed the tree where he was standing. A white light blinded him and swept across their now messy dens. Unknown voices broke the silence.

??? : There are still some here. 

??? : They are completely stunned? 

??? : Yep! The drones did their job well, I see.

Kreslas felt his body leave the ground as a large, warm hand reached out to examine him. He barely had time to make out the man's silhouette before he lost consciousness. 

This was the beginning of the end...

-------------------------------------------------------- Prologue Part 1 - Prologue Part 2 (Soon) - Chapter 1 (Soon)

[estrellami-1]

Okay my love I’m sending you a sad and pathetic prompt and then a cutesy fluff prompt (I thought about just sending you the cute one, I feel like all I’m doing these last few days is feeling awful and not being very productive or fun to be around and I think I was just wallowing when I wrote that comment so absolutely feel free disregard this one if you want) this is the sad one, I was thinking more hurt/comfort vibes:

This is just basically self insert except it’s not me I’m inserting it’s my situation lol, one of their relatives passes away (not Wayne) and on top of that they have to find homes for their loved ones pets that they loved the most of anything in the world when everyone is just telling them to euthanize or that everywhere is full and they’re four states and 16 hours away from the pets so it’s not like they can go pick them up easily if at all, which causes them to get sick/throw up a ton from the sadness and anxiety about the situation - enter the other who takes care of them to make sure they don’t worry themselves to death (if anyone wants to come take care of me and maybe just give me about 3000 hugs a day we could make this a live action roleplay situation lol🥺)

(Sorry this is just me complaining pretty much, the other prompt will be cuter)

Oh my love, you’re allowed to feel bad and wallow. I’m so sorry this happened/is happening!! I can’t give you any real hugs but I’ll give you ALL the virtual hugs I can ❤️

When the World Ends - Part 1

Steve’s voice is trembling when he finally makes the call to Eddie. “Hey,” he manages, letting out a pathetic, airy laugh at how badly his voice shakes on that one word. “Um. Can. Can you come over?”

Eddie’s amazing, so he says, “I’ll be there in ten,” and he is. As soon as Steve opens the door, he murmurs, “What’s wrong?”

Steve bites his lip, invites Eddie in. “Y’know how I never mention my parents?” Eddie hums. “But I always leave in the spring for a couple weeks?”

Eddie nods. “Your grandparents, right?”

Steve nods. Bites his lip again, looks up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. “Um.” He sniffs. “My grandpa passed today.”

“Oh, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs, reaching for him until Steve shakes his head sharply. “What can I do?”

Steve huffs. “What can anyone do?” He wipes his face and begins to pace. “My grandma’s too old to stay on her own now, let alone with all the animals they’ve got, and of course it’s not like her own son would help, not when he could be in Cabo instead, finding new ways to cheat on my mom with his secretary or assistant or her secretary or who the fuck knows. And I want to help but I can’t leave Hawkins, not when everyone else is still here, and there’s still a chance, but it feels so selfish not to go when she needs me-”

“Steve,” Eddie interrupts softly, hands up between them. “Take a breath, man, it’ll be okay. I know you love your grandparents but this isn’t all on you, okay?”

Steve slumps back into the couch like a puppet whose strings have been cut. Says, barely above a whisper, “I’ve got animals out there.”

Eddie hums softly. “What did you say?”

“Animals. Pets. I can’t have them here so my grandparents have ‘em. I’ve got a dog and chickens and a horse and what ‘m I gonna do with them?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Eddie promises him.

Steve groans and stands up again, beginning to pace again. “They’re four states away, Eddie! I don’t have a horse trailer, I dunno anyone in Hawkins who has chickens so I dunno if that’s even allowed, and I can’t bring my dog here!” He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing. “I guess the horse could go back to the neighbor, but they gave her to me for a reason, and I dunno what’s gonna happen to the chickens, and imma have to give the dog away, too, and get my grandma somewhere she can be taken care of, and fuck, there’s still the house-” he chokes on an inhale and a sob, standing still for a moment before he dashes through the house.

Eddie watches, wide-eyed, and follows when the sound of retching reaches his ears. “Oh, Stevie,” he murmurs, dropping to his knees beside him, hand hovering over his back. “Can I touch you? Rub your back?” Between gasping breaths, Steve nods, so Eddie puts a gentle hand on his back, rubbing up and down. “You’re gonna be okay,” he murmurs. “I know how scary this all seems right now, but you’re the strongest person I know, ‘sides Wayne, and you’ve got people who care about you and who’re gonna be here for you very step of the way, okay?”

The puppeteer cuts the strings once again, and Steve sags sideways into Eddie, trying to regulate his breathing, still quietly choking on his sobs. “Want me to call Birdie?” Eddie asks quietly, moving his hand to wrap his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

Steve shakes his head. Says, between breaths, “She’d panic.”

Eddie hums. “And you wanna be okay for her when she panics.” Steve nods. “Okay, I get that. I’m glad you called me.”

Steve sniffles. Eddie hands him some toilet paper. Says, after he’s blown his nose, “Feels like the world’s ending.”

Eddie thrown back into a memory from months ago. “If the world ends again, you know where I am,” he’d said. He hadn’t been sure, at the time, if Steve would call him. But they stayed friends, to the point where Steve calling him wasn’t quite the rarity it used to be, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt so honored.

“And you called me,” he murmurs, back in the present day, knees sore from the bathroom tile. He knows they’re going to pop like an old man’s when he stands. He decides not to worry about that right now.

Steve nods. “Knew you’d come.”

“And I did,” Eddie nods. Rubs his hand up and down Steve’s arm. “How’re you feeling?”

Steve sniffs again. “Like shit.”

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle. “I probably should’ve guessed. Ready to get up? Or wanna stay here for a minute?”

“Wanna stay here forever,” he says, but shifts to get up.

He stumbles a little when he stands, hissing. Eddie steadies him. “Legs’re asleep.”

“That’s okay, Stevie, I’ve gotcha. Come rinse your mouth out, m’kay? We’re going back to bed. I’m gonna make a few calls, okay?”

Steve won’t look at him in the mirror. “Gonna leave?”

“Not unless you want me to,” Eddie swears. Steve meets his eyes for a brief second. Shakes his head. “Then I’ll stay until you get sick of me.”

Steve manages a shaky smile. “Not possible.”

Eddie sighs contentedly. “Rinse your mouth out,” he gently reminds him. “Let’s get you up to bed.”

When Steve’s in bed, Eddie turns to leave, then turns back just as quickly when Steve grabs his hand. “You’re not leaving?”

Eddie squeezes his hand. “Not leaving. Just gonna make a quick call.”

“Okay,” Steve whispers, but his breathing picks up again, and Eddie changes his mind.

He bullies his way under the covers next to Steve, pulling him in until his face is tucked into Eddie’s neck and Eddie can rub his back. The call can wait until Steve’s asleep, so he can get back before Steve wakes up.

Steve’s world is ending. That’s every bit as important as the world itself ending. So Eddie resigns himself to stand guard over Steve’s dreams, keeping them happy as best he can.

I hope y’all liked this! The fic tag is the name (“#whentheworldends”) and my writing tag is “#starambles”. Remember I’m NOT doing a taglist for these, so subscribe to either to see where this goes next! Send me an ask with the next thing you want to happen in this fic!

[memobread]

𝕴'𝖉 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 - 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖊 -- (𝕵𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖓 𝕯𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖘 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗)

=================================

Contents: 1994! Jonathan Davis x reader (tag empty asf), HEAVY mentions of s*xual and mental ab*se, smutty smut, friends to lovers, TONS of fluff, angst, insane amounts of GORE, very violent language, violence, drug and alcohol use, etc.

Honorable mention: @jonathandaviskisser

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~~find my nest full of salt…everything's my fault…~~

Kurt Cobain soothed my weary mind as I lugged my last load down interstate 110, trying not to pass out at the steering wheel. I dreamed of starting my two-week winter break with a sweet night at Wes's, an underground bar below a gas station that sold inexpensive but effective products, my favorite kind. I was in desperate need of a cigarette, just like after any long busy day of trucking. Once I got to the designated location, I heaved off the supplies and signed a few papers. Once I got back in my truck, I sighed in relief. I would have the next two weeks off for winter break. All that was left to do was to go to Wes's and drink the night away. Once I arrived at Wes's through a rough, snowy highway, I filled my truck with gas, parked it in a safe spot, and stopped under the store's awning to look at the snowy night sky. It was strangely beautiful to me, even though it was pitch-black under the streetlamps. I suddenly remembered this was the weekly night that hillbilly Joe Singleton and his wife go on a frenzy of religious insanity. I wanted to kill them both, so I avoided them to keep myself from doing so. I quickly ran inside when I heard their radio blasting behind me. I grabbed a Heath bar from the shelf near me and made my way to the register, waving to the cashier, my best friend, Mikey.

"Damn y/n, you runnin' from the devil or sumn'?" Mikey asked, slightly concerned.

"Yeah, man. Joe and Monica came here to unleash hell." I whispered, keeping an eye out for them.

Mikey leaned forward on locked arms.

"Don't worry about it so much, Y/N. They dumber than rats on PCP."

Mikey knew about my anxiety. He never failed to help me calm down with his humor. He's always been my human antidepressant ever since we were teenagers.

"They came in here earlier today bitchin' at me because we sell pot here." Mikey laughed, putting on his red baseball cap.

Mikey did a typical redneck pose and stuck a rolled-up receipt in his mouth,

"And-And they was all like-"

Mikey slammed his fist down onto the table, a mocking look of disgust.

"YOUSE ALL GOIN' STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH YOUR DEVIL HIPPIE SHIT!!! GOD CAINT STAND FOLK LIKE YOU!!!"

I cracked up laughing, my nerves disappearing mostly.

"Man, when will they accept that the Aryan race isn't a thing anymore!" I laughed, leaning forward on the counter.

That's when Mikey burst out into laughter, playfully slapping me.

"Jesus Christ Y/N��" He wheezed, unable to keep a straight face for even a quarter of a second.

While our laughing fit was happening, we didn't notice Joe and his whore wife hearing our conversation. Joe threw a dime at me to get my attention. My smile instantly faded. Mikey cussed under his breath. We both turned to face the two cunts. They looked as aggravating as ever.

"You two won't be sayin' that shit in the lake of fire, imma tell you that!" Joe snapped, stepping towards us.

Mikey looked like he was about to commit mass homicide.

"Great! I'll see you two there, cocksuckers!" Mikey fumed, flipping Joe the bird.

Joe lunged at Mikey, to which I responded by kicking him in the stomach, making him fall to the floor. Mikey jumped over the counter and started beating the living hell out of Joe while the whore made a beeline for me. I tackled her down and repeatedly punched her with all my might, forcing an annoying squeal out of her. It was the best I had felt in a long time since she reminded me of my mother. It was like I was trying to kill my past. Mikey held off Joe while I got up and stomped on the whore's face repeatedly, blood starting to ooze from her annoying nose. I was laughing while the whore screamed in pain, unable to fight me off. I got back onto her and plunged my fingers down her throat, thrusting them in and out at an inhumane pace until she started vomiting on herself. Nearly screaming with maniacal laughter, I took my vomit-ridden fingers and plunged them back into her throat, making her swallow her vomit. My elbow plummeted to her face, her eye exploding into seeping red. All the memories of her groping Mikey, aiding my mom in assaulting me, stealing my cigarettes, and reminding me of my mother fueled my primal rage while I beat her senseless. I felt like I was taking revenge on my mother; a wave of utter bliss and satisfaction washed over me, causing me to burst out in shrieking laughter before plunging my fingers into her eyes. She burst into tears and screaming when I fingered her eye sockets like my mother did when my brother broke her glasses. Blood spurted out of her eyes and onto my cheek, my maniacal shrieks only getting louder.

"YEAH!!! YEAH!!! TAKE THESE FUCKING FINGERS IN YOUR BLOODY HOLES, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SLUT!!!" I got up and stomped on her bloody, snot-and-vomit-ridden ugly face.

Tears streamed down her bloody face when she wailed;

"No! Please stop it now! I've d…done *cough* nothin-"

Already having enough of Monica's shit, I jumped up and plummeted back down, my elbow making a beeline for her face before it crashed through her thick skull with all my body weight. I swear I nearly peed myself with joy when I heard her skull crack and a pig-like squeal, followed by loud sobbing and thick, metallic blood soaking my sleeve. I dove onto her and slammed my tight, rock-solid fist into her bloody mess of a face multiple times, each punch getting more lethal. When I looked up, not noticing my surroundings, Mikey knocked Joe unconscious with a bottle of Busch and dragged him back to his car.

"Hold her down with me, Mike!"

Mike rushed over to me and the dying bitch on the floor and gleefully held her wrists above her head.

"Yeah, fuck her up!!" Mikey shouted, spitting on her face before getting up and stomping on it.

"P…Please…..Joe….Joe made me do it…."

"Bullshit!"

In a fit of blind rage, I grabbed Mikey's broken bottle and plunged into Monica's face, lacerating the soft, pink tissue under a chalky burlap sack, blood spurting onto my face. I gave the bottle to Mikey with a bloody grin. He snickered and shredded the bottle side to side in the bitch's torn face, a tent growing in his jeans.

"Wait, wait, Y/N, hold her down for a sec." Mikey panted before standing up and unzipping his fly.

Mikey groaned in pleasure and relief when he pulled out his unit and started pissing on Monica. He and I both laughed maniacally at the humiliation.

"Yo Y/N, you think we should string this bitch upside down from the roof and have folks have their way with her for tips?"

Before I could agree, I felt a thick rope fling around my neck from behind; Joe woke up.

"Shit!" Mikey shouted, trying to fight off Joe but getting kicked by him square in the bare nuts.

Mikey howled in pure agony, his gonads obliterated and his eyes watering.

"Nobody fuckin' touches my wife…" Joe snarled, too shellshocked by anger to yell.

I kicked helplessly against my oxygen restraint, trying to pull off the rope while not being able to reach any punching points on Joe. With merely a few factors of dying, I accepted my fate; I had always wanted this, but I didn't want it to be then. I was having too much fun. My vision started to blur, and my head started racing with memories as Mikey's cries became more distant and inaudible. I flailed in Joe's grip and heard him laugh amid my panic.

"This is what you fuckin' get, slut…"

When I felt like I was a few seconds away from dying, I suddenly heard a loud crack, and I felt glass tumbling down my face and into my lap. Joe's grip went limp instantly, and I started coughing.

"Fucking piece of shit…" I heard a familiar voice spit.

I felt Joe getting hauled out under me, and my head hit the floor, awakening me a bit. With my vision blurry, I could only make out a tall blurry figure with long, dark brown hair kneeling over me.

"…c'mon…" The figure murmured, seeing me struggle to clear my vision.

Once my vision started to clear up, the familiar features of the figure became evident. The pretty, deep inky eyes, the heart-wrenching dorky face, the frazzled long hair; it was none other than Jonathan Davis in the flesh. He was the cute boy I worked at the Fritz warehouse with in high school. He was always shy and never talked to anyone except me. The second we met each other, we hit it off instantly like we needed to be best friends. We would laugh together about the shit we saw in magazines or what we wanted to do when we got older. We would play video games together at the local arcade, and Jon would always beat me at Street Fighter, and I'd have to carry him home as a losing punishment. We would even hang out in a nearby alleyway and eat Chinese food while looking at the smoky sky and talking nonsense.

Yeah Y/N, I kinda wanna start a band, but this job doesn't pay shit for equipment… 

Eventually, I fell in love with him, MADLY in love with him. I haven't spent a living second without thinking about him since.

He's so fucking cute-

"Hey!"

I snapped out of my dream-like state, bursting into a coughing fit, aiming my spurting blood away from Jon.

"Shit!" I heard Jon's voice again.

I wasn't hallucinating.

"Agh…fuck…" Mikey's voice trailed closer to where Jon and I were.

Mikey ran to Jon and me once he saw me coughing.

"Oh my god, Y/N!"

Hacking out my last bit of blood, I turned to Jon, shit-and-blood-faced, drooling everywhere. Jon couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Is that…y-*cough*you, Jon?"

"Um…yeah… You look kinda familiar…"

Oh god, please don't fuck this up…

I prayed that he recognized me.

"It's Y/N from high school, remember?"

At that moment, Jon analyzed me, processing the two versions of me. When he realized who I was, his face lit up, morphing the prettiest, most heart-wrenching smile known to the universe. I flung my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. Just as shocked as I was, he squeezed me back, providing a comfort I had never received from anyone else.

"I missed you so much…" I whispered into his shoulder, rubbing his back.

Burying his face in my hair and running his fingers through it, Jon said,

"I missed you too, Y/N…a lot…"

Jon hugged me tighter, nuzzling into my hair and groping at my back, leaving no space between us. I swear I almost fell asleep in his warm embrace until Mikey said,

"Yo…uh… Jon?"

Jon lifted his head, all flushed and full of serotonin.

"…mm?"

"You uh… you know Joe?"

Jon chuckled and pulled back a little, still keeping his arm slung around my shoulders.

"Oh, that sister-fucking piece of shit? He narced me and a meth dealer and nearly got us thrown in jail. If his wife hadn't fucked up the evidence on accident."

"Jesus, man…"

"Y-Y'know I was trying to quit, I really was, and I did! I fucking-"

I found myself completely zoning out, only listening to Jon's attractive voice, staring at the veins in his hands, his side profile, his dorky smile, his adorable laugh… I wanted him.

I need him so badly. I need him to know about my feelings for him. I need to-

"Y/N!"

I jolted awake, still semi-conscious and dreaming of Jonathan.

"Shit-sorry…" I coughed, my spit slightly red.

"Oh no no no it's fine Y/N, take your time." Jon wiped my teary eyes with his thumbs.

"Nah you're good Y/N, I was jus' gonna ask if you and Jon're ready t' go to Wes's."

"Oh yeah, mmhmm…" I said.

Jon helped me up, keeping a hint of his cute smile.

"So uh… what's your name?" Jon asked Mikey as we walked to the secret entrance to Wes's.

"Oh, I'm Mikey; I'm a friend of Y/N's."

Jon hummed before Mikey led him and me into the storage cabinet behind the front counter. I entered the code into the number pad attached to the trapdoor on the floor; 110192837. I pried the door with the broomstick handle next to me; the only way to open it.

"Damn, guys! This is insane!" Jon exclaimed, impression dusting his pretty face.

"Yeah, the owner designed this; it's pretty fuckin' cool," I said before stepping aside to let Jon and Mikey go in.

The second Jon held my hips to help me down the ladder I nearly had a full-blown panic attack due to how completely and helplessly flustered I was by this man. Even one tiny touch can send me spiraling into insanity. His grip on my hips was so tight, but not to the point where it hurt, but to an extent when I felt protected.

"Oooooh Y/N's blushing!!!" Mikey jeered like a teenage girl.

"Pr-probably because I almost just got murked." I lied, a slight stutter and a hint of nervousness in my voice.

Mikey scoffed and led us down the dim tunnel to the venue. My mind raced, wondering if Jon noticed my mannerism and thought I didn't like him touching me. Once we reached the entrance to the venue Mikey knocked on the door. Jon looked a little distraught. With one overreaching thought came another, then another, and so goddamn forth.

I acted so fucking nervous around him before he left, does he think I hate him, or does he hate me now? Does he even-…No. He was happy to see me, but why is he-

"Hey, Mike, who's this zesty Raggedy Ann lookin-"

"He's a friend of Y/N's, calm the fuck down." Mikey interrupted the bouncer, stepping forward slightly.

The bouncer, Jim, pursed his lips and lowered his eyes to me with dangerous intentions.

"He a friend or what?"

Clearing my throat, I said calmly,

"Yes, he's with us, I promise."

Jim's nostrils flared, and he pursed his lips again.

"Come in."

We hurried inside, avoiding Jim's death glare. The place was just as I remembered; dimly lit, with a touch of gray in everything, a putrid odor of meth and piss in one particular spot, but the rest smelled like sandalwood and cigarettes.

"Wanna go to the bar?" I asked Jon.

Jon obliged, and we slinked to the bar while Mikey trailed off toward a leopard-print-clad chick. We awkwardly sat down, and I waved to the bartender.

"Oh hey, Y/N! Who's this guy?" The bartender, Sid, asked me.

"Oh I'm Jonathan; I'm Y/N's old friend," Jon said.

"Always nice to see newcomers who aren't pieces of shit! Anything you want, Jonny Boy?"

Jon chuckled.

"Just a rum and coke, please."

"Oh, Y/N, you want that too?"

"Oh yeah, thanks, man," I replied awkwardly.

Sid walked off, leaving Jon and me alone. I nervously shifted slightly in my chair before asking,

"So, uh…you're in a band now, huh? That's pretty cool!" I said, screaming at myself not to sound so awkward.

"Oh yeah I started Korn last year after Sexart broke up, and we're doing pretty great!"

"Oh, I saw you guys in concert, all of you are just so talented, I swear to god."

"Wait, what? Why didn't you come to say hi?"

My head hurt with negative anticipation.

"I…I didn't wanna intrude on anything or piss off security…"

Fuck.

I swear I nearly burst into tears when Jon looked slightly hurt. I felt god awful, but my misspeaking was hard to take back.

"I-I mean, I really wanted to, but-"

"Y/N, this whole 'band' thing hasn't made me into some posh asshole! You can come up and say hi to me after shows! There isn't even that much security!"

I froze, trying not to cry as I watched my world crumble around me. I hurt someone I loved more than anything else to ever exist like an incompetent piece of garbage. I couldn't speak, or else I would start crying.

Okay, why is Jon so pissed off and why am I such a FUCKING IDIOT?!

Jon scoffed and turned back away from me, taking his rum and coke from Sid, who slid a second one over to me.

"Whoa, whoa Y/N! Are you alright?" Sid noticed me trying with all my strength to hold back tears.

"I-……I'm okay…" I choked out, my voice cracking.

"No you're not Y/N, what's wrong?"

I needed to lie somehow.

"M…My pet cat needs to get surgery, and I'm just-"

I burst into loud sobs in front of Jon, even though I didn't have a cat. Sid rubbed my back and said,

"Aw, Y/N, the vets here are great, okay? Your cat's gonna be fine, promise."

I looked up at Sid, tears still streaming down my red face.

"Here, Y/N, just drink the worries away, and you and your cat will be alright…"

I nodded, taking a sip of my rum and coke and slipping Sid five dollars.

"Th…Thanks…"

Once Sid left, I turned back to Jonathan, who was rubbing his temples and running his fingers through his dreads.

I hate myself so much…

Jon turned back to me, a troubled look on his face.

"Y/N, please look at me."

Fuck.

Reluctantly, I slowly turned to face him, my face red and wet with tears and snot. Jon knit his brow and lowered his head when he saw what he did.

"I…I'm so sorry, Y/N…I just…This whole 'fame' thing, it just…"

Jon set his hands on my knees.

"*sniff* It's really okay, Jon. You don't need to apologize."

Jon clasped his hands around my face, cupping and caressing it.

"Y/N, look at yourself! Of course I need to apologize! I hurt my best friend!"

"Jon, it's *sniff* okay, I know what fame can do to someone…" I sniffled, wiping my tears.

Jon sighed, taking his hands off my face and sipping his drink.

"Yeah… it's been god-awful, but that doesn't mean I just get to bitch at everyone." Jon said, setting his drink down.

"I know… But I'll let you bitch at me just this once." I said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Jon snickered, turning back to me.

"You should drink that before it gets warm."

I nodded and took a giant sip, feeling the sting of alcohol rush into my sinuses, starting to cleanse them of horrible thoughts. Jon cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I have security on my ass 24/7, I can't fucking go anywhere without being bombarded by fuckin' fans, I got fuckin' bruises from being tossed around during concerts, and I just-…"

Jon trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair, his brow knitting again in frustration.

"I needa stop drinking, but nobody likes me when I'm sober…"

My heart dropped into my shoes.

This can't be happening…He deserves so much better…I need to get him out of this…

I scooched over to Jon and wrapped him in a big bear hug, cradling his head to my breast while he clenched his arms around my waist for dear life. Even though I hated seeing him like this, I loved holding him so much. The side of his face resting against my chest while he held my waist flooded my stomach with butterflies.

His hair, oh my god…

Even though it was in dreadlocks, it was still soft to the touch, and it was so satisfying to scratch at his scalp, making him hum through sobs.

He's so adorable it hurts…

Jon looked up at me with red, glossy eyes.

"Jeez, it's like you never left…"

I smiled and nuzzled his head before taking another sip of my rum and coke. I was starting to loosen up.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get ahold of you. I tried, I really did…" I whispered into his dreads.

Jon pulled away and held my hands.

"I know, so did I, but this whole fucking-…"

Jon trailed off, realizing he was repeating himself.

"Well, you have me now, and I have you," I said, trying to calm the mood again.

Jon turned back to me.

"I'm so glad I do…"

Over the next few hours, we continued laughing with each other through drinks, catching up and talking about what was happening within the past few years.

"Hehe…Yeah, I remember one time; Head got so fucked up on stage he pulled down his pants and humped his guitar…"

"Whoa, what the hell? Did you guys get banned or something?"

Jon laughed.

"Oh no, no; it was a chill venue…The guys were mad though."

I finished my rum and coke, setting the glass down, my nerves relaxed.

"Y-You guys were so fucking good in concert, like…I was afraid you were having a seizure or something, just turns out you're really fucking talented…"

"Nah, we're alright; we're just really *chuckle*, we're just really fucked up in the head, that's all…" Jon laughed, flashing his pretty smile yet again.

We continued laughing and talking until the dancefloor lit up in the center of the venue. All of a sudden, "Loser" started playing.

"Oh my GOD, I love this song…" I said, turning around to get ready to leave.

"Oh man, me too…You wanna dance?" Jon asked, hopping off the stool and extending his hand for me to take it.

I happily obliged, taking Jon's sweet hand and traveling smoothly with him to the dancefloor. The song started with us swaying next to each other, grooving to the beat, but when the beat dropped, Jon and I threw our heads forward and started headbanging, swaying around like headless chickens. But then again, so was everyone else.

"SOYYYYYYYYYY UN PERDEDORRRRRRRRRRR IM A LOSER BABYYYYYYYY SO WHY DON’T YOU KILL MEEEEE…."

"GET CRAZY WITH THE CHEEZ WHIZZ!!!"

Jon and I nearly screamed the lyrics while getting fucked up on straight dopamine.

It feels so good to have this much fun without getting blackout drunk…"

We danced through "Fucking Hostile," "Pull the Plug," "Enjoy the Silence," and god-knows-what-else, and spun ourselves silly. During "Total Eclipse of the Heart," Jon motioned for me to come into his arms. Of course, I obliged, blushing profusely, and he took me into his arms, swaying me side to side with my arms around his torso and his on my upper back.

He's so pretty up close…

His vantablack eyes twinkled with the dim lights, as did his soft features.

Right here is the most kissable motherfucker alive.

Without thinking, I tightened my arms around Jon and laid my head on his chest. He was taken aback at first when he suddenly loosened his grip but held me tighter as if he was trying to keep me as his. I laid my head on his chest and listened to Jon's heartbeat, which ran faster than Bullet Bill on speedball and steroids.

Am I doing anything wrong, or does he want me too?

Suddenly, I heard a loud crash and glass shatter everywhere.

"Get the fuck out now!"

I swiveled around to see Joe and Monica, both mutilated to unrecognition. Monica had jumped behind the bar counter and knocked over all the alcohol on the shelves, and Joe stood beside her, holding a lighter. Monica saw Jon and I and lunged at us.

"Jesus!"

Monica smacked me down before swinging at me with floppy fists, clocking me square in the nose. Jon tried to help me, but Joe tackled him, socking him in the stomach. I threw Monica off me and tried to kick Joe off of Jon, crying out for backup.

"Hey! Someone help us!"

As soon as those words left my lips, a stampede of beefy men and angry intoxicated girls came to our aid. Joe got knocked down, instantly thrown against the wall and socked in the face hard. I could only watch in awe as Joe, a man I couldn't even look in the eye, was effortlessly shredded to pieces.

"You heretics!"

Those words were Joe's last words before a guy grabbed a spoon and started digging out Joe's eyeballs, turning his swears into breathy screams and sobs. Watching the scene unfold, I prompted myself to grab another old spoon and lunge at Monica, who was sitting on the floor screaming at the men to stop, not doing shit about her dying husband. I tackled her to the floor and took a broken bottle, contorting her squirming body before ripping off her shirt and piercing the flesh of her thin abdomen, a pocket of thick blood bursting from the laceration and making her vocal chords raspy with how much she screamed. A random guy pinning her down with me, I got up, got a running head start, and plummeted onto her face, the heels of my boots bursting her eyeballs and nose with red, slimy fluid.

"Y/N please just stop! This won't bring back the little pussy, Chris, you called a brother!"

She did not…

Monica had the nerve to put the name of my brother she drove to suicide into her mouth. She tormented him relentlessly, telling him nobody loved him, pretending to kill his imaginary friends, and used his autism to make him do whatever she wanted, including sexual favors.

C'mon Christopher, be a man and fuck me! You don't want Whizzy to be sad, do you? He would just LOVE to see your porn star dick before he DIES OF CANCER!! Now come on, you little fa-

The memories flooded back to me of Monica's abuse towards Chris and how I was too young to fight back against her. I didn't understand that he didn't want it.

And now Chris's bones are still hanging in his bedroom…

With tears pricking at my eyes I got up, allowing Monica to hobble to her feet, a smirk teasing at her face.

Now's my chance to show Chris I love him…

Stepping up closer to Monica, my nostrils flared slightly.

"I hate you."

Monica scoffed.

"Oh really? You weren't saying that when I bought you pizza after your brother ate my pussy like he was starving! I just know he liked it when I used a little…FORCE on him, is all!"

"Chris wanted you dead."

Monica cackled, slapping her thigh before getting all up in my face.

"Then why was he so eager to fuck me and give me ALL his money when I was the only one that could save his little imaginary friend? That motherfucker needed me!"

Monica stepped closer to me.

"And all you and Chris could say was 'we love you Monica!'"

At that moment, I lost all means of composure, adrenaline shooting through my veins and my eyes red and wide as saucers. My blood was searing through my skin; it needed to dart my hands at Monica.

She's gonna regret even LOOKING at Chris.

Using one-hundred percent of my strength effortlessly, I seized Monica by the throat and slammed her down WWE-style to the floor. One of the guys pinning her down, I grabbed my spoon.

"No! Please!"

I cackled, followed by a harsh smack to her face.

"You were talking so much shit just a minute ago, and now you're crying like a little FUCKING BITCH for me to stop?"

Monica loved using that line with Chris.

"I'm sorry!" Monica cried, trying to slap my hands away.

I got up and stomped on her throat.

"Bullshit!"

I got back down and positioned my spoon at Monica's left eye.

"Chris would be so fuckin' happy to see this…"

I spread apart Monica's cyan-pigmented eyelids and started wedging the rusty spoon into her cornea, earning another strained scream from her.

"Y-You don't have to do this!" Monica tried pushing me away again.

The guy holding her down landed a violent smack to her face.

"Shut up, bitch."

I shot him a friendly smile through all my anger before slowly digging my spoon into Monica's eye again.

"Hey y'all, come watch this!"

The people who killed came and watched me torture Monica.

"Fuuuck, this is gonna be so good…"

I jabbed my spoon behind her eye, more blood seeping into the well of the spoon. At that point, Monica couldn't even scream anymore; all I heard was the attendees cheering. Deep red hues pricked and teased into the whites of her eyes while I pushed the spoon deeper, her eyeball emerging from her socket and out from under her decorated eyelids. I yanked the spoon, dislodging her eye and earning loud cheers. I stood up on top of Monica's retching body.

"Alright, who wants to keep the eyeball?"

Almost everyone raised their hands excitedly.

"Alright, let's see here…"

I chose a short girl in the back because she and I both liked Cannibal Corpse.

"You, in the Cannibal Corpse shirt! Catch!"

The girl squealed with joy as I ripped the nerve and threw her the bloody eyeball. I dug out the other eye and threw it to a big guy wearing no shirt and covered in tattoos, to which he responded by laughing,

"You crazy as shit!"

He and a group of guys came up to Monica and I.

"May we?"

"Sure!"

I stepped back and watched the scene unfold, my body trembling with sheer dopamine. One guy had picked her up by the wrists with ONE hand and hung her from a ceiling beam like a piñata. I grabbed a half-drank Heineken left on the floor and looked for Jon when the men had their ways with Monica, violating her in every manner, from sexually to emotionally, to straight-up physically.

"Yeah, take this fucking knife in your saggy ass, you brother-fucking cow!"

"Tsk…making my bro fuck your fishy cunt when you can't even suck dick? What a fucking ingrate…"

"I bet you had your first time with your dad, you little pissy shit-whore slut!"

I took another sip of my beer, getting into the closet where the exit was.

I need to find Jon soon…

I was about to leave when I got called back to where the guys and Monica were.

"Yo! You in the closet! Come out here you crazy motherfucker!"

I opened the door to see every attendee, including Sid, forming an aisle leading me to Monica's now naked and mutilated body. She was barely holding onto life.

"Will you do the honors?" One of the men asked, holding out a dull, rusty box cutter.

I happily obliged, approaching Monica while drawing the box cutter.

"Monica…"

All she could do was cough up semen and blood.

"You may think you're hot shit and that all the poor men you manipulated are groveling at your feet…"

I stepped closer.

"But all you are is a fucking disease that they just happened to catch."

I angrily drew the blade to her throat.

"…and I'm the cure."

I jabbed the blade deep into Monica's jugular vein and ripped it through pale flesh all the way to the other side, almost completing a 360. The bar attendees cheered while they watched Monica choke and bleed pathetically down her face. I dropped the boxcutter like a microphone and stood in the crowd to watch Monica die, finishing my beer. I earned pats on the back and cheers of my name.

"Damn bro, you fucked her up!"

"MAD respect, dawg."

Turns out I wasn't the only one Monica messed with.

I want to see Jon.

Nudging my way through the crowd, I exited the bar through the closet. Once I reached the snowy surface, I saw Jon sitting in the alleyway where we used to hang out.

"Jon!"

He turned to me, flashing his pretty smile.

"Hi Y/N!"

I hurried over to him and sat down next to him.

"Why'd you leave?"

Jon sighed, his smile fading slightly.

"It was just…too much."

I immediately went to comfort him. I hated seeing Jon like this.

"Oh no I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't look for you or fu-"

Jon put a finger to my lips.

"It's okay, Y/N! You need to stop apologizing so damn much…"

Jon chuckled, putting his arm around me. I laid my head against his shoulder and looked up at the snow. It was strangely beautiful to me.

"Besides, it wasn't even your fault! That bitch had it coming." Jon said, snuggling into me a little more.

I chuckled.

"Couldn't've said it better myself…"

I yawned, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around Jon and buried my face in his neck. He pulled away slightly, taken aback and flushed.

Fuck!

I pulled away as well, scrambling to give Jon space.

"Shit, I'm sorry…"

Jon immediately scrambled back to me.

"Oh no, no, no, no I didn’t-…I mean I-…I liked it!"

My heart jumped out of my throat and into his hands.

"Oh…uh..."

Y/N, you idiot…

Jon broke the awkward silence by asking,

"Y/N, I'm just gonna say this straight up because I need to know; Do you love me?"

I froze, shellshocked by what I heard. Without holding back, I drunkenly blurted,

"Yes, Jonathan! I love you so much. I can't even spend a living minute without thinking about you! You're the only thing giving me hope in life, and I hope I did too with yours. You know why? Because I fucking love you! I would go through a fate worse than hell for you! I would give up everything in my life just to see your…BEAUTIFUL smile! Every night I hug my pillow and pretend it's you, and it's the only way I can sleep! I would do anything for you! I would buy you anything and everything I can't afford! I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!"

Jon's face got burnt to a crisp. He never given that kind of dedication from anyone other than his mother.

"Y/N, I…" Jon stuttered, shifting in his place.

I scooched back, my eyes burning with tears.

I just ruined my relationship with him, like I ALWAYS FUCKING DO! I ruin everything!

"I'm really sorry, Jon. I'll leave you alone."

Before I could leave, Jon instantly grabbed me and pulled my face an inch from his, holding it in deep devotion.

"I love you too, Y/N."

He pulled me in and connected his soft lips to mine.

HOLY FUCK, WHAT?

My stomach jumped out of my anus, and my head raced.

Is it getting hot out here, in this snowy weather?

I hugged around his upper back and pulled myself in closer to Jon, deepening the kiss. He hummed, moving one of his hands to the back of my head, taking off my hat before scratching and massaging my scalp.

He's so perfect…

I moved my hand up to his head, letting go of all my nerves completely. I buried my fingers in his dreads and caressed his soft cheek with my thumb. Jon wrapped his legs around me to get closer, more blush spreading across my cheeks. I buried myself into him, wrapping my jacket inside his so there would be no space between us. Jon broke the kiss, still holding me in the cuddly position.

"You're a good kisser, Y/N."

I smiled, nuzzling his cute nose.

"So are you, Jonathan Howsmon Davis."

Jon giggled and pulled me in closer with his legs, shifting me over so my back was against the brick wall.

"I love you so much, Y/N. I always have…"

I pecked his lips.

"I love you more."

Jon kissed me again, this time a little more passionate, turning the kiss into a sweet makeout session.

I feel so safe under him…

Jon pulled away.

"You look so flustered, isn't this what you wanted?"

I stammered,

"Oh no, no, I want this, it's just…"

Jon cocked his head to the side.

"You're so fuckin pretty, it hurts." I finished my sentence, pulling him in for a harder kiss.

Jon kissed me back, grunting as he shifted more onto me, pinning me against the brick wall. He squished my face into his with his hands, starting to eat at my lips a little.

I need him so bad…

I moved my hands to his hair and face when he moved his to the small of my back, enveloping me into him and allowing me to bring him closer. His skin was softer than anything ever felt under my calloused fingertips. His hair was so long and frizzy; I could hold onto it for hours. EVERYTHING about this man was absolutely perfect in every way.

"I've been wanting this for so long…" I breathed in between kisses, lost in his pretty face up close.

Jon smiled again, nuzzling into me and pecking my red cheek.

"Me too."

We continued to lazily make out, snuggled in each other's jackets and making up for all the missed time we could have spent together. I felt like I could disappear into his arms and snuggle him forever. Jon's fuzzy hair surrounded my face while he straddled my lap and held my head sweetly. Our noses and eyelashes fluttered on each other under large snowflakes, more slow songs playing in the background. When we weren't kissing and nuzzling, we just gazed into each other's pretty eyes for a few seconds before kissing again.

He's so soft…

Jon pulled an unopened beer from his jacket pocket and cracked it open against the wall. He took a sip before offering me the bottle, to which I obliged to him feeding me like that. From then on, gentle beer kisses and sweet nothings got shared between us. As we finished the bottle, there was more tipsy shifting and growing lustful tension, both of us wanting more than just cuddles.

"My pretty baby…" Jon murmured before tilting my head backwards and planting sweet, open-mouthed kisses on my neck, making me gasp and bite my lip.

When Jon said those words and kissed my neck, my heart rate went from zero to infinity. Kissing Jon was every nightly desire come true; my fantasies had become realities. I felt my nether regions tingle in my thick, baggy jeans. I ran my fingers up and down his hot body under his jacket, raking my fingernails over his sensitive spots, making him whimper against my neck.

Fuck, his noises are so hot…

I could feel Jon's erection poking at my lower tummy as he started shifting on my lap.

He's so desperate, it's so cute…

Jon pulled away, crashing his lips back into mine while gripping the sides of my face again. My fingers trailed down to his waist, feeling all over his hot back.

"I want you bad, Y/N…" Jon husked between kisses, biting and tugging my bottom lip.

I slid my cold fingers under his shirt, making him yelp.

"I want you more, Jon…"

I latched my mouth onto his neck, feeling up his sides and hairy chest.

Now I'm in charge…

I snaked my hands down to his hips, dangerously close to his crotch.

"Oh fuck, Y/N, please…"

Jon was already at my mercy, begging me to touch him. I continued teasing around his throbbing cock, licking and sucking hickeys all over his neck. He was a moaning mess on my lap, like a little slut in heat. I snickered against his neck.

"You want me to touch you, baby?"

Jon buried his face in the crook of my neck and nodded frantically. I removed my hands from him and whispered in his ear,

"Use your words…"

Jon thrust hard into my hand and begged,

"Please, Y/N…make me cum all over your hand…or mouth…or pussy, I don't fucking care which…"

I got up, helping a whining Jonathan up with me.

"Let's go somewhere a bit more private…"

Jon followed me around the front of the building to my truck. He was practically shaking from my hands, making me shiver with anticipation at how he would take revenge on me later. I opened the back of my truck and turned on my lantern next to an old mattress.

"Shall we?" I asked, hopping inside.

Jon scrambled into the back of my truck, desperate to have my hands on him.

"Fuck yes…"

I stood up and closed the opening.

"Unzip your pants, babe."

Jon unbuckled his belt and pulled down his black khakis just past his ass, his erect cock stretching the fabric of his red boxers. He laid down, ready for me.

"C'mere…"

I slowly crept towards Jon, like a predator catching its prey, then I pounced on top of him, slamming my hips down onto his member.

"Oh fuck!"

Jon threw his head back and moaned helplessly, bucking his hips into my beaver. I bit my lip, holding my hips down for Jon to grind against, feeling powerful on top of him. I quietly whimpered when his bulge rubbed against my clit.

"You're so fucking hot…I need to go down on you…" I groaned, lifting up Jon's shirt and trailing hungry kisses down his hairy torso, him squealing when I nibbled at his nipple.

When I reached Jon's crotch area, it was warm and throbbing for me, a strangely comforting and cuddly feeling, even though it was a sexual situation. Jon whined when I cupped his clothed nuts and traced my tongue along his trapped length, placing kisses on his swollen tip through the elastic fabric. I teasingly nuzzled Jon's tip with my nose and kissed down his shaft to his balls, earning cute twitches from his cock. I slowly licked up between his nads and trailing lightly at the base of his cock with my fingers.

He's so cute, it hurts…

I turned my head to the side and put his shaft in my mouth corn-on-the-cob-style. I moved up and down, my tongue tracing the bulging muscle on the front.

"Oh, Y/N…" Jon keened, gripping my hair and humping into my face desperately.

I gripped Jon's erection and started slowly stroking him through his boxers, making his pretty little head fall back and making whimpers tumble from his cute lips. Continuing the teasing with my mouth while I stroked him, I cooed,

"You're so cute when you're all flustered like that…"

Finally gathering up enough strength to say something clearly, he replied with,

"Just imagine what you'll be like later…"

Feeling challenged, I yanked down Jon's underwear and sucked his tip hard, making him gasp and turning his cocky words into loud moans. Snickering at his duality, I slowed down again, sliding my wet tongue all over his tip sweetly while looking up into the prettiest eyes to ever exist. In between tingly licks, I pressed loving, gentle kisses to Jon's tip, precum sticking to my lips. When Jon bucked his hips into my face and groaned, I decided to stop teasing. I started pumping his wet shaft at a medium pace and sucking hard, twisting my neck different ways and putting my tongue on the bottom of his dick while I sucked his soul out, earning the sexiest moans and whimpers any ears could experience. Jon's grip on my hair pushed me down to deepthroat him, making me grip onto his feminine thighs for extra endurance.

"Oh my god, Y/N, you're so good at that…Oh shit!"

Jon yelped when I spread his legs out and started going faster, squeezing his nuts lightly. The saliva dripping from my occupied tongue trailed into the hand that squeezed Jon, lubing up his sensitive areas and making him lose his damn mind down my throat. Jon desperately fucked my face, rambling curses and praises while nearly ripping out my hair. I flicked my tongue wherever it could and went deeper, fitting Jon's whole shaft down my throat and increasing suction at the back of my throat.

"You're gonna make me bust twelve nuts at once, fuck…"

Already soaking wet, I ground my clothed pussy into the heel of my boot, needy for friction while I continued blowing Jon hard for the next several moments; I lost track of time in a fit of desire. I looked up at Jon again while he was nearing his orgasm, earning the view of a pretty head tilted back all the way and a spotted neck above a dark green heavy jacket.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, good god, Y/N you're so…" Jon stammered, my wet, tight mouth driving him to insanity.

Once I started gagging, I pulled off and slobbered all over his cock, pumping his squelching cock with a vice-grip. Jon's pretty unit glistened in the lantern's light, all red, throbbing, and tingly. I dived back down and continued my attack, arching my ass up in the air and going all the way down, more precum leaking down my throat. My tongue explored him, tasting his desire for me.

"Oh god, oh my-oh shit!!"

Warm, salty, delicious ribbons of semen shot down my throat for each one of Jon's strained moans as he tugged on the roots of my hair, making me whimper a bit. He desperately fucked into my face, drunk on both beer and his need to cum. I took every drop down my throat, like I had always fantasized. Once Jon was done, he shakily leaned forward and caressed my raised ass.

"That was the best…fucking head…I've ever gotten…even compared to my own hand…" He panted, giving my butt cheek a squeeze.

I hummed and licked the remaining cum up his shaft teasingly, planting more sweet kisses to the tip, making him twitch and groan.

"Fuckin' tease…" Jon growled, smacking my ass.

I gasped and whimpered on his cock, not used to him being all dominant like that. My time was over.

"C'mere…" Jon said again, trailing his hand up my back.

I sat up and straddled his lap, looking down at his cute face and caressing it.

"Hi…" I giggled tipsily.

"Hey…" Jon replied before suddenly whirling me around, throwing me down under him with my back hitting the thin mattress.

I could feel my panties overflowing as my dominant demeanor dropped. Jon was in control now.

"We might wanna go home for what I'm about to do…" He breathed, his teeth scraping against the shell of my ear.

I trembled underneath Jon, feeling up his body as I nodded, both of us leaving the truck. We took a tense bus ride to my apartment, and once we arrived, we ran out, throwing the driver a dollar. Once the bus was gone, Jon lunged at my lips, grabbing me by the face and pulling me into him. I hugged around his waist and raked my nails up his back again, groping and scratching wherever I could reach. Jon pushed me to the stairs, traveling with me on his lips the whole way up to my apartment.

"Fuck…"

I fumbled with my keys to find the right one, Jon leering behind me impatiently, needing to fuck my brains out. Once I found the key and unlocked the door, Jon grabbed me and pinned me up against the wall, slamming the door behind him with his foot. He crashed his lips into mine, gripping my face hard enough to break my jaw while I shifted into him as much as possible, raking my fingers under his shirt after he took off his jacket. I quickly put down my purse before pulling into Jon harder.

"Mmh-.…" Jon moaned into my mouth at the mercy of my cold fingers.

Jon gripped my hair, and his tongue slithered between my teeth into my mouth, challenging my tongue to a battle for dominance (his obviously won).

I've always wanted his sexy body pressed up against mine…

Still making out, Jon led me to my pullout couch bed I slept on and pushed me down onto it, crawling on top of me. After giving me one last peck, he removed his shirt and undid his belt, throwing both on the floor. He came back down and started kissing my neck again, sucking and harshly biting my throat while pulling my hair, drawing an erotic whimper between my lips. Jon did his signature chuckle against my neck.

"Told you…"

I wrapped my legs around Jon's waist and humped into his crotch, making him groan against my neck.

"So…so…desperate…"

He took off my jacket and shirt, throwing it with his clothes.

"So pretty…"

Pale hands and long fingers immediately latched to my breasts, squeezing the plump flesh through my bra in an insane and hungry manner, making me dizzy with arousal. I was helpless under Jonathan, so pathetic I couldn't even speak. All I could do was whine and whimper into his mouth as we ate each other's lips hungrily.

"Please…Please, Jon, let's fuck…" I keened, my face hot and flushed a deep red.

Jon bit his lip, wanting nothing more than to pound me open.

"…I'm gonna need to prep you first…"

Yanking off my bra, Jon lunged at my tits, not caring what they looked like enough to look at them first. He buried his face between them, enjoying my warm skin against the sides of his face and leaving purple hickeys. My breath hitched in my throat, stopped by his demanding mouth. I gasped when Jon's tongue glided to my nipple and started sliding around comfortably, the tiny tingles in my chest and cunt making me whimper more. I helplessly ran my fingers through his dreads roughly while he gently attacked my tits, making him hum at the feeling and crack a smirk against my nip. More hickeys were sucked and bitten onto my chest and neck, making sure to leave no bald spots. Jon pulled back to admire the number he did on my chest, now covered in deep purple and red blotches.

I love his biting love language…

While he was up, I took the ample time to admire how pretty Jonathan is, running my fingers around his thin waist, his soft chest and tummy, his body hair that was strangely comforting, like every other part of him.

He's nothing short of an angel…

Completely smitten, I sat up under Jon and started kissing his chest, feeling his warm skin under my lips while still feeling up his body. I tugged down his pants a little, signaling them to come off. He obliged and pulled them off, only wearing red boxers bearing a throbbing erection before flashing a sexy smirk and pushing me back down.

"Be patient, Y/N…"

Jon nuzzled between my ribs before trailing kisses down my tummy, stopping at my pelvis, the anticipation of my wet pussy on his lips making me shiver. He undid my belt and pulled down my pants, throwing them onto the pile on the floor. When I looked down, I swear Jon was drooling when he saw my panty-clad core.

What a great day to wear gray panties…

Jon could see every ounce of wetness caused by him for himself; he could see, feel, and taste what he did.

"Oh my god…" Jon groaned before tearing off my panties hungrily, needing my pussy like oxygen.

He took a second to look at his midnight snack, a string of drool dripping onto my throbbing clit, making me bite my lip. Jon dived down to nip at my inner thighs, trying with all his being not to immediately start eating me out. I whined, and my pussy twitched, needing Jon's mouth. Unable to contain himself, he swiftly attached his mouth to my soaking cunt, nudging his mouth between my red, puffy folds and tasting my wetness.

"Mmh…you taste…so good…"

Jon slowly started licking up and down with his long tongue, making me gasp every time his tongue flicked against my clit. He snickered against me when he heard my little noises, proud of his dizzying tongue skills. My poor cunny was engulfed between Jon's pretty lips as he suckled on my clit, circling it with his tongue.

"Ah…Jon…that feels so-…good……" I whimpered and moaned helplessly, pushing back the dreads in his angelic face.

Moving his head side to side, Jon snaked his long fingers to tease around my entrance before easing two into it. Tingly sensations shot up and down my spine, producing more wetness to coat Jon's mouth and chin.

"Oh god….tastes so fucking good….." Jon huffed into my messy cunny, pumping his fingers faster and slurping my whole pussy hungrily.

I could feel the knot in my tummy start to tighten to the point of unraveling while Jon pushed his mouth deeper, paying the most attention to my clit.

"Oh my god, Jon….please don't stop….I'm gonna cum…." I whined, followed by more pathetic inaudible moaning.

Jon's actions became desperate, him moaning into my pussy while he devoured me senseless and punched my g-spot swiftly.

"Ah, fuck!" I squealed, my pussy pulsating as I released in Jon's pretty mouth, my back arching almost ninety degrees and my pussy magnetically attached to Jon's mouth.

He moaned relentlessly and drank up all my juices, swallowing me whole and trying to get more like he was starving. With a loud pop, Jon released my quivering pussy from his mouth, crawling back up to my eye-level with a cum-coated grin.

"How was that?"

My face red, I replied shakily,

"Fucking crazy…"

I pulled him back down to kiss me, tasting my salty cum on his lips.

"Ew…" I giggled, nuzzling his cute nose.

Jon snickered and pecked my lips again.

"Yum."

I was oblivious to the party upstairs until "Closer" started playing right as Jon crawled back up to me.

Shit's going down…

I fired a Kubrick stare at Jon and started teasing his erect cock with my fingers again while taking off his boxers, a pretty cock springing out, ready to fuck.

"Oh god, Y/N…"

Jon violently shoved my legs over his shoulders, throwing me upside down and angling me so he could pile-drive me insane. Leering down at me, he slapped his tip on my wet entrance, triggering a quiet moan and a lip bite in both of us.

~~you let me violate you~~

Jon slowly pushed himself inside me, his teeth gritting when he hit contact with my tight insides.

"Shit…" I moaned, my eyes rolling back in my head while I squeezed his unit hard.

With that, Jon started moving in in and out slowly, leaning forward a bit to get closer to me. I could feel his cock breaking my pussy in, claiming it as its new home.

~~I broke apart my insides…~~

"You good?" Jon breathed, subdued by my vice grip.

I nodded, needing him to go faster. He leaned forward more to hold himself up on my shoulders at a dizzying angle that could have anyone screaming in no time. Jon changed his pace from slow to medium, both of us choking out heated whimpers and moans. It was like our genitals were becoming inseparable friends, like a magnetic field inside me.

The view is so beautiful…

Jon smeared his face with desperation, his chest hair, eyes, and forehead shining with sweat in my dimly-lit apartment, tints of dark orange and yellow saturating him into the dark, raggedy, peeling room. I felt up his skinny waist, him fitting easily in my hands while I trailed them all over his back and torso.

"Ahh…."

Jon's movements turned into thrusts as he held onto my leg for leverage, kissing it between loud moans.

I swear, his moans could kill god…they're so hot, holy fucking Christ…

"oh-Oh god, Jon, fuck!…." I cried when Jon snapped his hips into my g-spot.

~~help me get away from myself…~~

~~I wanna fuck you like an animal…~~

I cried out when Jon slammed himself forward to clasp his hand around my throat and pummel my g-spot repeatedly, groaning and pussydrunk.

"I'm using…this-oh fuck!- this pretty pussy tonight…"

With an erotic moan, I thrusted back into him and did a Kegel, causing a yelp to jump from Jon's chest before he fell down to me.

"Do that again…"

I squeezed another cock-crushing Kegel around Jon's throbbing cock, earning the hottest whimper known to this earth right in my ear.

"…so good to me…"

His groans becoming carnal, and dangerous, Jon gripped the roots of my hair and starting pounding me into oblivion, my g-spot crying from all the battery. It felt like we fused together, like a loud, sweaty, horny creature whimpering, moaning, and producing every bodily fluid possible.

~~you can have my everything…~~

I hooked my arms under Jon's lean shoulders, pulling his chest to mine and squishing my boobs under his.

Empty space isn't allowed between us…

Still gripping my hair, Jon scooched up, buried his face in the top of my head, and rammed into me harder, both of us groaning and shaking at the feeling of each other.

"Oh my god, Y/N…so….so…tight…..shit!"

I violently raked my nails down Jon's back, sending each other straight to paradise and desperate for more. Jon's growls turned into loud whimpers, pleas, and cries as he struck my g-spot even faster at the mercy of my fingernails.

"You feel s-so good, Jon…..I've b-been wanting th-this for so long…." I finally managed to choke out through erotic noises.

Jon crashed his lips into mine, gripping my throat and jaw with brute force and sloppily pounding my cunt open.

"I have too…but I didn't-…know you'd be…this crazy…"

Jon reached his hand down to flick my clit, making me squeak and dig my nails harder. He groaned loudly, and his head fell to the crook of my neck.

~~my existence is flawed...~~

~~you get me closer to god…~~

Jon choked out various whimpers and loud, desperate moans into my ear, holding me down and pounding my gushing pussy open.

"Fuck, Jon…!" I yelped when he deepened his thrusts to the maximum and flicked my clit faster.

With a slutty groan, Jon bit down harshly on my neck, moaning on the marked skin,

"You're so fucking good….dirty slut…"

I hooked my legs around his hips and buried my face in his shoulder. Sounds of clapping, pornographic cries, and the painfully erotic song in the background seeped into my dim, filthy apartment. If I had not been horny, I would have cried tears of joy.

I dreamed about being with Jon for so long…It's just as amazing as I imagined…

I needed this pretty boy in my life and I finally have him…I love him so much…

I smothered kisses wherever I could reach on Jon's hot, sweaty skin, addicted to every part of him and never wanting to let go. He cried out when I bit down on his chest. Taking the hint, I bit another part of his chest and left a dark red hickey, my g-spot being destroyed in the process, distracting me and making me nearly fall back in a fit of slutty moaning.

"Shit, Y/N, I'm close…." Jon choked into my ear, followed by a harsh bite on my neck.

The dizzying feeling of nirvana crept into my tummy, my walls twitching on Jon's throbbing cock.

"Oh god, yes! Right there…" My back arched, and my head craned backwards into my pillow.

Thank god Livvie's out on a business trip…

"Fuck, Y/N!" Jon cried out, grabbing my hips and leaning backwards, exposing his decorated neck.

~~you are the reason I stay alive…~~

Jon's pretty eyes were fixated on my pussy gripping him, my thighs clapping at an inhumane speed against his.

"Oh god, I'm cumming!!"

When the song ended, Jon released strings of hot cum into me, quickly followed by a euphoric wave crashing over me and my pussy coming undone with my cum while I rubbed my clit. Jon's signature growls and whimpers trailed to my buried ears, causing my pussy to squeeze more cum out of Jon. Once we finished, Jon collapsed onto me, panting heavily into my neck. I heaved hot breaths under Jon and rubbed his clawed back, planting a sweet kiss on his shoulder. We laid there for a few minutes, trying to comprehend how happy we were with each other.

"…you good?..." I breathed, feeling the back of his neck.

Jon nodded.

"…yeah…what about you?...you doin' alright?"

Jon raised himself up and caressed my red cheek. I smiled up at him and said,

"Never better."

Leaning back on his knees, Jon reached out for my hands, taking them and pulling me to him, catching me in his arms.

"Round two?" Jon asked, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

I ran my hands up his thighs and obliged, desperate for more. Jon held my face sweetly and pecked my lips.

"Ride me?"

When I heard those words, I toppled on top of Jon and positioned his tip at my entrance.

"Anything for you, Jonathan Davis…"

Flashing a dangerous grin, Jon smacked my ass and grabbed my hips.

"Such an impatient little whore…"

With a bone-breaking grip on my hips, Jon started grinding my cunt against his shaft, his head falling back in tingly pleasure.

"So wet…feels so good…"

I instinctively tried to buck my hips forward, but Jon spanked me again, tightening his grip.

"My pace."

With that, I continued to let Jon get off on my pussy, biting my lip and moaning quietly at the feeling of his hard cock against my clit. When Jon let go of my hips a bit due to the pleasure, I leaned back and held myself up, my hands on his knees. I started shoving my pussy farther into Jon's shaft, making him groan and completely engulfing it with my folds, leaning my head back and splaying out my boobs. Shortly, Jon pushed me off and huffed,

"Alright, NOW you can ride me..."

I snickered, swinging a leg over his and wrapping my arm around his neck, using the other to position his tip at my entrance. As soon as the head entered me, my eyes rolled back into my head.

"Ohhh my fucking god…" I groaned, pushing myself deeper.

Jon craned his neck back and moaned loudly while my pussy swallowed his cock whole. I felt so powerfu, like I had him in the palm of my hand. I slowly started moving up and down, clenching his cock like Andre the Giant was squeezing it in a massive fist. In mere minutes, Jon changed from a cocky dickhead to a whimpering, pleading mess inside me.

"God, I love you…" Jon growled, weaving his fingers into my hair and grabbing my face before pulling my lips to his.

When I sank down, I moaned pathetically into his mouth, squeezing my thighs around his.

"I love you more… I pulled away and wrapped my arms around Jon's neck, angling my pussy better to fit his fat cock.

Resting my head against the wall behind Jon, I picked up the pace, arching my back for maximum ass-bouncing efficiency. My walls crushed his cock so hard it made his head spin like he was getting fucked senseless instead of me.

"Ahhh Y/N!!" Jon cried, so deep in euphoria that he was nearly overstimulated.

Feeling too powerful, I went faster, overstimulating him and making him squeal like a little girl. He twitched rapidly underneath me, gripping my hips so hard it nearly broke the thick skin down there. I kept going, enjoying seeing Jon writhe underneath me. Trying to get revenge, Jon started sucking my left nipple and flicking my clit hard, triggering a pornographic moan to fall from my lips and more wetness to gather on his cock.

His dick is so sensitive, it's so cute…

I looked at him while bouncing with a Kubrick stare through my shaggy, long black hair, resembling a sex gremlin with tits. This attribute turned him on to the maximum.

"Fuck, you're so hot, Y/N…I wanna fucking destroy you…"

Speeding up more until I hit my maximum speed and depth, I pounded myself onto Jon's dick hard, the moaning and clapping louder than ever in the heated room. I rode this man like I would never walk again, unable to get my hands or pussy off his hot body.

"Oh god! Right there!!"

"Shit, Y/N!"

Jon suddenly trapped me in a big bear hug and slammed up into me rapidly, needing to cum more than anything. I hugged my arms around his neck and squeaked and whimpered into his ear, making him growl various praises to me.

"Fuuuck, you're gonna be the death of me…"

"You're gonna make me cum again, baby…"

"You want me to make you squirt like a little dirty slut, huh?"

Jon rolled over on top again, positioned my ass was in the air, and pounded me fast and violent like a hungry animal catching its prey.

…the best way to die…

I could feel butterflies raving in my stomach as my climax neared its time. I could tell Jon was close too.

…shit, do I need to pee or am I gonna squirt?...

"Oh my god, Y/N I'm cumming!!"

"Me too, oh fuck!"

A harsh stream of wetness shot from me onto Jon's sexy pelvis, soaking his nuts and pubes.

"Oh my fucking god, Y/N…that was so hot…"

Jon flicked my clit with his fingers so fast it made my head spin while he kept fucking me, trying to cum again. The pleasure of him continuing with me after I came and him flicking my clit hard made me bury my face into the pillows and twitch violently, squeaking like a mouse and tears pricking at my eyes. I could hear him nearly screaming as he and I came close to our second orgasms.

"Oh god, oh my- fuck!!" Jon cried out as he fucked the living daylights out of my twitching cunny.

Once he finished, Jon lazily flipped me around and gently laid beside me. When I saw him, his eyes glistened, and he was panting. I turned on my side to face him and wrapped my arms and legs around him like a koala, burying my face in his shoulder.

"Awww." Jon beamed, turning to face me and wrapping me in his comfy arms.

I snuggled up into his chest, happier than ever before.

…I finally have him all to myself…

Jon kissed my head repeatedly, just as happy as I was. We lay there panting for a few minutes before Jon said,

"…glad I could get that off my chest…"

I hugged him tighter.

"…me too, honey bun…"

He chuckled and nuzzled my hair.

"…are you sleepy?..."

"…not really…just relaxed…" I replied, my eyes slowly fluttering.

Jon took a thick strand of my hair into his mouth.

"…i'm hungry…wanna order pizza and watch movies?..."

My stomach growled right as he said that. I hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was almost midnight.

"…mmh…yes please…"

Jon sat up groggily, bringing me up with him. He was strong despite his skinny frame. My head fell on his shoulder, still hugging him. He quietly laughed.

"Babyyy, I need to get the phone…"

I sighed, not wanting to let go.

"…ok, but i'm coming with you…"

Jon chuckled,

"Fiiine…"

Jon struggled to get up with my arms around him, but he finally managed to do so, butt-naked and dizzyingly happy. I shuffled with him to the telephone, hugging him from behind around his skinny waist.

"What kind do you want?"

"…pepperoni and onion…"

"Me too."

Jon dialed Tony's Pizzeria lazily, resting his tired head against the wall.

"Yeah, hi. One large pepperoni and onion pizza please…yeah thanks, see you…"

Jon hung up, turning around to give me a big bear hug.

"I love you."

I nuzzled into his chest.

"I love you more, Jonathan…"

Jon picked me up, straining a bit.

"Lies."

I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him.

"Truths."

Jon carried me back to the bed and laid me down, crawling onto me. He kissed my cheeks sweetly.

"Yeah, well I love you just as much…"

Before I could protest, Jon kissed my lips.

"You better not say shit…"

I laughed, pulling him into me. He giggled against my neck, pecking it softly.

"Okay, fine…you win…"

Jon laughed evilly and laid beside me, pulling me into his chest and stroking my hair. I koala-hugged him again, squishing my cheek against his chest.

…he's all mine now…he's my boyfriend…or at least he's acting like it…

I couldn't believe it; the boy I had loved since I was a freshman in high school was holding me tight in my bed, squeezing me and kissing me because he loved me.

He loves me…?

Even though Jon told me he loved me and fucked the dogshit out of me, I couldn't convince myself that he, let alone anyone, liked or loved me; I hated myself so much. In the time spent in silence cuddling, I had time to think.

I hate thinking so much.

 I felt stinging tears well in my eyes.

…he's too good for me…he's out of my league…i'm such a piece of shit…

Jon noticed my sniffling and immediately sat up, pulling me into another hug.

"Oh god, baby…what's wrong?"

Jon pulled away and held my face, wiping away my tears. When I saw his concerned expression, I sobbed, burying my face in his bare shoulder. He stroked my hair and rubbed my back, sweetly muttering words of comfort to me.

"It's okay Y/N, take your time, baby…"

Embarrassing sobs escaped my eyes, nose, and mouth as I tried to explain myself.

"I…I just…"

I broke down again, Jon humming and stroking my hair.

"I…I hate myself so much… and I keep thinking I'm forcing you into this…and that nobody actually loves me when they say they do; I think they're lying…"

I felt like I was talking out of my butt right to my high school crush.

"…baby…why would I say I love you if I didn't mean it?"

That contradicted all my illogical thinking, stumping me.

"I….I dunno…I-I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense…" I replied, feeling helpless.

Jon held my face, caressing my cheeks and gazing lovingly into my eyes.

"Y/N, You're my best friend, well, now you're more than that but you WERE my best friend all throughout high school. You loved me like no one else. Why would I think you weren't good enough for me?"

I hung my head in embarrassment.

"I…I dunno…I'm sorry Jon, I just-"

Jon cut me off by connecting his lips to mine for a long kiss. He held the small of my back, and I moved my hands to his hair and around his neck.

"Don't apologize, Y/N…There's no need to…I love you…

We continued sweetly making out, just like we did in the snow. My bare skin locked with his, and it felt so good; rough hands ran along my back tattoos, tracing my shoulder blades and my ribs. I played with his dreadlocks with one hand while trailing the other one all over his shoulders and chest, him humming at my gentle touch. It felt like I was in heaven, like an angel blessed me with Jon. We kept making out sweetly until we suddenly heard a loud knock, startling us both. When we realized we were completely naked, Jon panicked, quickly throwing on his boxers and a random hoodie while I got up and searched my purse for a five dollar bill. Once I found it, I passed it to Jon, and he opened the door, blushing profusely.

"H…Hey, what's up?" Jon stuttered when he opened the door.

The delivery guy chuckled and said,

"Nothin' much, thanks for the cash, you have a good one."

"You too."

Once the door closed, Jon set down the pizza on the kitchen counter and lunged back at me, tackling me in another big bear hug.

"Jonathan!" I squealed, caught off guard.

He laughed and kissed me again, resuming our makeout session. Jon set me on his lap, allowing me to envelop his neck in my arms and comfortably hold him while he gently held my waist, rubbing my back sweetly.

"…we should probably eat that before it gets cold..."

Jon's tummy growled.

"Agreed."

Putting on a pair of boxers, a comfy Aerosmith t-shirt, and a thick, fluffy hoodie, I snuggled up next to Jon, who had already turned on The X-Files and was waiting for me with pizza and open arms before I came to him. Engulfed in each other, we finished our pizza and binged countless episodes, our minds calmed and forgetting about the earlier events.

…I have him now…that's all that matters…

At around two in the morning, Jon flopped his head against my chest and asked me to turn off the TV. We were both unbearably sleepy.

"…can I turn on my fan?..."

"…i was just about to ask you that…i hate silence…"

I carefully laid sleeping beauty down and turned on my fan, taking my sleeping meds and brushing my teeth on the way back. Jon used my toothbrush after me, which I somehow found adorable. Once I got back, I nestled into Jon's chest under thick, fluffy blankets and held him close. He dragged his fingers through my scalp, creating the effect of a horse tranquilizer.

…he's magic…

Jon sleepily placed tiny kisses on my embraced head, nuzzling my scalp with his nose and fingers.

"…i love you so much, Jon…i wanna be your S/O…" I murmured, feeling his arms tighten around me.

"…i'm all yours, Y/N…i'm your boyfriend…i love you too; so, so, so, so much…"

My sleepy head lay in Jon's protective arms, under warm blankets as I drifted into a deep sleep, never having slept that peacefully since I was in a coma. I remember dreaming about some guy dressed as a celery stick and buying a house where Jim Carrey was my realtor. It was a nice dream, in sweet arms, in a comfy bed.

…i never had all three until now…

…i love him so much…

THE NEXT MORNING:

"…oh and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THAT?!?!-"

…..fwoooosh…..

krkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkr…..

The rattling windows and snowstorm outside awoke me from my dream, groggy eyes still closed and my surroundings still unclear. I felt well-rested, like I had slept for several days. I huddled back in my blankets and lay with my eyes closed and a familiar essence surrounding me. It was a comforting essence, like one of a sleepy cat. Once I noticed the arms loosely draped around me, I slowly fluttered my eyes open, coming face-to-face with an adorable sleeping Jonathan. My heart immediately warmed when I remembered the night before; all the revenge, fighting, cuddling, kissing, and a nice hardcore fuck. I gave Jon a light kiss on his nose and closed my eyes again, too sleepy and cuddly to think about my internal struggles. Jon's soft embrace and warmth melted my troubles like an ice cube in hot tea, making me sleepy. I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep, Jim and the celery guy reappearing to try and sell me an inexpensive but great house. It was a one-story shack-like abode with a dirty, stone-floored basement and a couch and TV right in the middle of all the filth.

…perfect for me and jon… 

Once I woke up again, I huddled up to Jon as stealthily as possible, not wanting to disturb his peaceful sleep. However, soon after I cuddled him, he shifted semi-consciously and instinctively hugged me close to him, groaning a bit in his sleepy state. I hugged Jon tighter and kissed his nose again, humming in his warm embrace. The frigid, howling winds outside my apartment calmed me down as I fell asleep one more time, a warm snuggle engulfing me into another dream about Jim and the celery man. This time, it was a recap of the night before, the celery man sharpening a celery stick and slitting Monica's throat with it, then Jim Carrey delivering a cheesy one-liner, then chopping her in half with an axe.

"How you like them celery sticks?-"

FWOOOSH

When my eyes fluttered open, my face got buried in a Pantera hoodie, and my scalp massaged gently. Jon was awake. I hummed and wrapped my legs around him, holding him tight. He giggled, ruffling my hair.

"…g'morning…"

"…g'morning…" I murmured, snuggling him a little harder.

Jon rubbed my head a little more, still being gentle. I hummed against him at the relaxing feeling.

"you're making me sleepy…"

Jon giggled and kissed the top of my head.

"mmh…can't have that happening, It's already 2:35 p.m…"

"oh really?..."

"yeah."

Jon sat up, resting his head on the headboard, leaving my sleepy head in his lap. I huddled up into him like a sleepy dog, trying to get as close as possible to him.

"Babe, if you do that you're gonna give me morning wood." Jon laughed, pulling me up into his chest and stroking my hair.

"…mmh, sorry hon…" I murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"It's okay, baby…no need to apologize…"

I love Jon so much. He makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, kills the alcoholic drug addict in me, and makes me a cuddly bastard…

After a few moments of warm cuddles and random conversation, Jon asked,

"You doing anything for Christmas?"

I shook my head.

"Nope. Ever since I moved out, my extended family never wants to see me again."

Jon hummed, nuzzling the top of my head.

"Wanna spend Christmas with me and my mom?" He asked.

My heart jumped out of my throat with that sentence. Fully awake now, I sat up and faced Jon.

"Wha- Really?! I mean-…Are they okay with it?"

"Of course, they're okay with it! They love you."

I almost started crying again.

"Jon….What did I do to deserve you?"

I held his pretty face in my hands and kissed his lips.

…pepperoni…

My heart wrenched at the offer. I wanted to turn it down in humility, but I wanted to be a part of the Davis family so badly.

"You were my best and only friend throughout high school and after; I should be asking that question…"

Overcome with insane amounts of serotonin, I threw my arms around Jon's neck and pulled him into a massive hug, burying my face into his shoulder.

"I can't believe this…"

"I can." Jon beamed, chewing on a strand of my hair.

He pulled me into his lips, kissing me passionately and holding my head against his, initiating another lazy makeout session. Jon spun us around and sat on my lap, holding my face while I hugged his tiny waist. He squished my cheeks and caressed them lovingly as if I was a five-foot-two teddy bear. After several minutes, Jon pulled away, still holding my face.

"Wanna get breakfast and play in the snow?"

I pecked his nose.

"I'd love nothing more…"

[studentbyday]

src: study with me by @marias-studyblr

i spend a surprisingly small amount of my waking hours studying (just 4h today and i had trouble focusing by the 4th hour) which makes me feel less productive than i should be. is this normal? 😅

learning:

reviewed for mol bio quiz and made study guide questions for that section of the module

did the quiz

reviewed week 1 psyc notes and redid the textbook questions

worked a little bit on psyc notes (very very very little)

read half of 1/5 sections of biochem and made study guide questions for that (i always have a really hard time remembering things long-term no matter what i'm studying, so i'm gonna try this thing where i read the module section and make study guide questions as i read, then either later in the day or first thing the next day, i try to answer the questions and compare my answers to what the module says...and if it works for this course, then imma do it for the others)

self-care:

journalled (it is so good for writing down distracting thoughts/feelings!!! but unfortunately, like cbt, it can be uncomfortable)

did my morning routine (often got sidetracked but...at least it got done and physically i felt good. constantly referring to this post bc i kept forgetting what i was supposed to do bc i almost never do them all at once!!)

watched a cinema therapy video (it's my new replacement for feel-good fics)

[obsolete-stars-if]

Progress Update

30th April 2024

Welcome back, everyone. I'm doing this today BCS I dunno if I'm feeling like it tmr morning. So lets review April.

What got done in April: Besides finally releasing chapter 8 and being very happy about how it turned out. I also got a job, can u imagine? someone is paying me to do silly little tasks on my computer. ill be financially stable in no time.

What didn't get done in April: Imma be honest, I haven't written since the day of the update, so my 10k goal is out of the window. there are a lot of different reasons why, after completing multiple art commissions by my friends (to support me in paying for my rent and groceries), I got into a bad mental health week, where I was so exhausted from doing those commissions (I enjoyed creating art for my friends but being forced to take compensation for it is what made me depressed), combined with regular artists financial struggles- I hadn't the energy to write or think much about the game. Then I started training for my new job, and it's also mentally exhausting (the job is fine, the training itself is exhausting). These arent meant as excuses or to defend myself for why I haven't kept up with what I wanted to, but I'm trying to be very honest about my progression and general situation, so people can look into these logs and understand why I slowed down, not BCS I have to keep yall informed, but BCS I want to.

Plans for March: Get insanely rich with my first paycheck. I'll be in direct training for most of the month, so actually writing might take a backseat for a moment, or only be reserved for my days off, or very productive days (as I'm working at nights). I'll set my goal much lower this month, maybe around 5 - 7,5k line, to give myself some more slack and feel like I'm actually accomplishing my goal.

Fun april stats underneath

No, I will never find one coherent way of doing these progress updates. Words written: 7986 avg hours slept per day: 12

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

barking barking, ok so i am rereading a bit of the last chapter and the things i had noted last time so that i remember everything that happened but after that i am loose

having an awful idea to listen to the guitar solo of freebird on repeat as i read this.... i am going to do it there is a rotating rat on the 10 hours version i found, wonderful

SO UH THIS IS MASSIVE SORRY ALSO SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ CAPS LOVELY NEWEST CHAPTER SCROLL PAST THIS VERY FAST IT MAY TAKE A WHILE. THE READ MORE BUTTON DOESN'T WORK IN ASKS SO SORRY

(i refuse to edit it this time, it took me like. a while last time and this is even longer, so you also get the incomprehensible pieces and no added notes to explain what i meant <3 (also a lot more '<3' this time. not sure why))

MORE CROWS rrr, they are important i know it

the way panthera is surrounded by cats and crows is interesting... like its an amusing visual but also really kick ass if you frame it in your mind right

yes, i enjoy that juleka is confronting ladybug on how she leads, especially considering that we know for sure they are inexperienced, yes i like this conversation

ooo, this is interesting, dust all kicked up focussing on different senses...very fun, always interesting to see how they can rely on things other than sight

woahhh, the staff lets off green sparks?? its made of copper <3 wait i looked it up and... aluminium makes green fire too? huh? this isn't important <33

awesome visual tho

YEAH BEAT HIS ASS BRO roger cop my beloathed <3

massive baby guy would be scary...

yay! teamwork! carapace and panthera woohoo

gonna be honest free birds outro on loop is really setting the mood for fighting for me

stop making me google things cap... t-rexes were apparently in the "late cretaceous" like ok thanks movie franchise for lying to me ig

Rena- this is amazing- she would record that. wonderful descriptors <33

No <3 i do not need the heartbreak of juleka v akumatised rose again <3 stop it <3 you hurt me <3

oh thank god-

this mantra of "calm yourself" is intriguing, i think its not going to work <3 let her go ape shit please

YOO PRINCE SHINING?? NOO

THIS IS BAD ASS THO

HA AND DOWN HE GOES

she's gonna turn this car around road trip with them when?? it can be a well deserved break <3 i am pitching this idea cap <3 this is what i would like and i would like it very much (i kid, its just amusing to me)

no because. because. alya nino and chloe are still able to have fun in a fight and. and- juleka is over here like a war veteran while marinette is trying to corral them all and- upset now

oh no juleka blacked out?? oh dear...

chlolix crumbs... wonderful... (to be honest with you, searching through the chlolix ship tag years ago was why i found these fics, so i love to see them but i am so attached to the story now <33)

OO? violence in your heart juleka?? maim and kill him you say?? good idea <3

“Miss me?” He grinned maliciously. “No, whore.” Queen Bee scowled at her side. i am actually losing it this is the funniest thing i have seen today-

ooo dark cupid being used to farm akumas... this is reminding me of minecraft and zombie villager farming to get the best trades, i can see the video titles now "this hack will TRIPLE your akuma production in just three EASY steps" <- unsure what this is but it happened in my brain, so there you go <3

i do like the idea of dark cupids powers being used tactically like this, i enjoy how its thought out critically when an akuma has an obviously helpful / game changing power

</3 "ma, i'm so exhausted" you are so cruel

AUGH WHAT NO ough rena got got by kim...

marinette kiss her quick

ough emotional

imma be honest for a hot second i thought juleka got hit by dark cupids arrow which i was fascinated by the idea of, however i think if she is to lose self control it would be more interesting if it was due to circumstances than mind altering magic

??? interesting, "there was- for a flash- a blackness that seemed to writhe like a bubbling mass of ink up her fingers—!" curious...

D: chloe... :(

augh my heart... they all got got protecting each other...

YOUR EVIL THIS IS UPSETTING ME

um hello?? who is speaking to her in bold?? am i dumb for not knowing?? girly is hearing voices

kill him!

gigantitan baby cult...

alternate universe where neither of them remember any of the old akumas names and at one point one of the akumas is so offended by the idea of being forgettable its enough of a distraction to get them

not me trying to think about whether a wish could actually be beneficial in any overall capacity using the rules we were given because hawkmoth is saying it would be...

no but why is the fact that akumatised queen bee is just sad making me so upset-

this is such a fucking big chapter jesus christ-

"nicking her ear and taking out one of her piercings" make her design look like gargamels cat azrael 2k18

(thats the wrong year. uh. shhh thats just the auto fill in my head when i say 2k)

hawky boy has gone off the edge of sanity hasn't 'e...

WOAH ONE ON ONE?? OWHUWO

OH NO ITS GOING BADLY

ohno that guy in bold is back at it again being ominous as fuck ohh i am dumb its plagg. yeah that tracks i am but a silly guy

ooo is it happening? is she doing the thing??

YOO THAT WAS BETTER THAN WHAT I THOUGHT OF THAT WAS BADASS YOO??

OUHTFHEDW

really did a bilbo catching the one ring on his finger and turning invisible right when gollum was boutta catch him tense vibes moment i would describe this better but i must get back to reading this was awesome

OOO SHE DID END UP BEING CALM IT WORKED WOHDANW4FIBBDE

THIS IS BAD COMMENTARY I AM EXCITED OK??

augjh=gtfreinig4fgrninib4frnedw

the way that i'm insane for the idea that someone recorded this fight and everyone ends up seeing panthera being a fucking badass has me insane...

mmmm switching the music to metallica

oh that was the right decision perfect base drop timing for what i was reading

ough awoog wibnefr, insane for the way that she is not referring to herself as human rn

awwybgfwei bgyrfned insane for all of this actually

THIS WAS SO FUCKING COOL JESUS CHRIST OH MY GOD ABHWEBHUUNERI I WISH I COULD SHAKE YOU BY THE SHOULDERS AND EXPLAIN ARTICULATELY EVERY DETAIL I LOVED BUT ALAS ALL I CAN DO IS KEYBOARD SMASH AT YOU ACROSS THE INTERNET

love carapce actually <3

“You suck bro. Take an L dude, take an L.” “HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME– THIS IS MY MOMENT-” “IT’S A RANDOM FUCKING FRIDAY DUDE IT IS JUST A FRIDAY!” Carapace shouted, so frustrated, pinching his fingers together at the man. “YOU’VE WASTED SO MUCH TIME! GET A JOB!” love this so much actually

YO I FORGOT ABOUT MAYURA AND YOU FUCKING NAMED THE CHAPTER AFTER HER BRO

What a wonderful power, she thought. To protect, instead of hurt. stab in the heart why don't you

“HEY LADYBUG WE FOUND A BROKEN STICK!” “I FOUND IT FIRST ACTUALLY!” “I FOUND A FEATHER!” The two simply sighed love them all so dearly actually <3

awoog wiubfrne, whub?? juleka babe girly darling why are you still injured???? ough it was because of the metallica moment (<3 i have my own name for it, the songs i listened to while that was happening was Battery and Master of puppets btw)

well course it didn't heal from the cure, they are exact opposites so their direct effects would cancel out. like a plus and a minus, idiot

Apparently Rose might’ve fought Adam in a random parking lot that they had ended up in because she thought he might’ve hurt her during the attack so.. HWJB4IFE HA she would do that wouldn't she?

“Meh, it happens.” alix??? this is such a hilariously chill response??

nriew more chlolix crumbs...

Alix defended herself passionately, throwing up her hands as icing laid smeared on her lips. She paused for a moment, as Chloe half-heartedly wiped a bit off before continuing THATS GAY GAYY THEY ARE GAY A3WDWEUI sorry i got a bit excited there.

“Don’t worry, I won’t disappear.” “…Sometimes I–” “Yes?” Juleka pepped up. Rose paused and seemingly waved her thoughts away, smiling. “It’s nothing, don’t keep your big bro waiting!” RRRR REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY PLEASE OIGUHER RRRR

no because you somehow manage to keep it being a slow burn after they got together and i'm insane for that

actually they are the most adorable creatures in the universe i love them

I just didn’t think you’d start hearing them now.. huhwuh?? she is supposed to hear voices?????? weird wack ass side effects

ruhroh looks like thats the consequences of your actions nathalie

RUHROH THE CONSEQUENCES OF JULEKAS ACTIONS?? ough she has made herself an extra high value target

Her boy– no. Their boy shut up your in a queerplatonic relationship with gabriel and you both dated emilie in my head. he is your child to me <3 (i will write that damn 200k slowburn unhappy ending prequel i joked about if you fucking force my hand (ie. continue to make reference teeny tiny things like that (or maybe it will just start planning itself in my head right now curse you my brain)))

WAIT THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH IS SO SAD SHUT UP YOUR A CRUEL BEAST CAP

Emelie and Gabriel’s boy. He was not her’s. He would never be her’s. She was just– the assistant. The distant guardian. This was all for him though, if she could help– she could just. Maybe.. Nathalie shook her head at herself. What mattered was this family. UPSET NOW

TEARING YOU APART RIPPING YOU APART WITH MY TEETH CAP THIS WAS INCREDIBLE AND THIS TOOK ME OVER 2 HOURS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I 4yrheiwjnow

you may receive asks in your future about me writing that thing i keep joking about. i am spinning it in my mind like this damn rat

i muted it at times but wanted a timer and uh

this is nearly 1800 words wrong what is wrong with me- yknow what no this is your fault for the monster size of this chapter, anyway, time to slap this beast into your inbox <33

THIS IS MADE ME SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSO SOS O HAPPY.,,,,,,,

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH,, IM GLAD YOU ENJOYED,,,

[indycinders]

I was productive and cleaned my apartment today uvu now I can focus on other things.

It just… idk imma be vulnerable here for min don’t worry about scrolling past ahaha

Healing from trauma and taking meds and actively seeking help feels so… weird. Like you feel like things are falling apart and will never fix themselves when you’re in a crisis. And your crisis could be so simple or little rather than a huge life altering thing. It could just be a culmination of years’ worth of telling yourself that you’re fine and you’re okay. And it builds inside like a pressure cooker until there’s no more room for the pressure and you’re about to explode.

I feel vastly different today than I did two months ago, a few weeks ago, and even yesterday. And you know a part of my brain is like “oh it’s the meds” which yeah definitely. And there’s that little part that’s trying to convince me I don’t need them but I know I do. And it’s been a thing in the past where I stop because it was too hard to wait for them to work, too hard to just be patient and sit with myself.

And I guess that’s what’s so different about this time. I can just sit here in silence and be with myself and let myself feel my feelings and let them go eventually. And I’ll still be here, on the other side of the crisis, alive.

I don’t know. It’s just weird introspection I’ve been doing today. I haven’t cleaned my apartment in weeks but I did today. I did it step by step. Figured it out as I went. Asked for help when I needed it. Took breaks when I needed it. Got myself some water and I’ve drank most of it now.

Being ill, both physically and mentally, is hard. And weird. And having good days is also weird. I’ll probably be laid up in bed the rest of the day but at least I won’t feel guilty about my apartment being messy.

I can hear the birds out my window, see the sun, let fresh air in my apartment without worrying about someone walking past and thinking it’s a disaster in here. I guess today I’m just… happy? Content?

It’s one of those things that remind me why I’ve been holding on for so long and why I’ll continue to do so. It makes me hopeful for tomorrow and next week and next month and on and on.

Healing is rough. It’s not always easy. If it was, sayings like “time heals all” would be redundant. It also looks different. It could be going out to check mail for the first time in weeks. It could be sitting at a park drinking your favorite beverage. It could be cleaning your apartment because you want to, and not because you’re feeling obligated to.

Mm. Just reflecting on myself and my healing today, I guess. Might delete this later haha.

[sapscozycorner]

Hi my name is Gemini ♊ and this is GemEats. Today we are going to be making Garlic Butter Lamb chops with Asparagus and Mashed potatoes... First things first you need your ingredients...

Ingredient list 📃

Lamp Chops 🥩(of course) - You can substitute the lamb with whatever meat you like ie pork chops, or sirloin. You could also make this vegetarian by replacing the meat entirely with a veggie substitute like impossible meat or even grilled eggplant. It's so many ways you can make this dish. Just remember whatever you choose, make sure you season, season, season.

Asparagus 🥬

Russet Potatoes 🥔

Butter 🧈

And Milk 🐮

2. Prep

Now it's prep time 🔪 ... Swing that butcher's knife... show that cutting board who's boss💪🏾

3. Cook it up

Now that you have everything prepared the food should magically pop into a pan... Remember y'all don't be afraid to Flip, stir and toss that food into the air

Lets get a close up of that flipping technique

Imma just add some of my secret sauce to the lamb

Let's see the finished product👩🏾‍🍳

Mmm looks delicious... Lets see what Evan thinks

He loves it😊

Hope everybody enjoyed my first Simtube video.. More to come (since I got fired🪓 ).. Big shout out to @insimniacreations for making this custom recipe (go check out their tumblr). Like, Subscribe, and Share and let me know what y'all want me to make next... Bye

Gemini got fired from her job so she's trying something new... She's trying her hand at making cooking videos on Simtube ( Really I just didn't know what else to do with her. I figured she likes cooking so why not try it out )

Thank you @insimniacreations your custom foods are the best💖

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Tempo

Summary: Shōyō Hinata loves volleyball! There is no doubt that all he really thinks about is volleyball. His sister, however, isn’t the same way. Sakura is ready to start her first year of high school at Karasuno with her twin brother and doesn’t really want to do anything, unlike Shōyō. Though she can’t help it when she gets dragged into the antics of the volleyball club.

Word Count: 6303 

Blog Masterlist | Red Herring Masterlist | Last Chapter | Next Chapter

A/n: Oh I feel so productive! I finished writing this today, finished editing three videos that imma post on my youtube channel in the coming weeks and working on some more, and I worked on my manuscript for NaNoWriMo! Not only that but I got a requested story that I'm working on, it'll take me a bit but I'm finishing up the outline, get it checked and then get to posting some nice long chapters of it lmao Anyway, on with the chapter!

---

EVERYONE COULD TELL THAT SKAURA WAS TENSE about something. It’s usual for her to sit on her own, rarely talk or engage in conversations while at her club. However, from the way that she was even more withdrawn than normal, everyone figured that there was something wrong. They hadn’t seen her like this before, so none of them were really sure how to bring it up to her. After all, what if they said something insensitive to her since they didn’t know what was going on with her. Well, that would matter if the people in this club actually knew how to be considerate of that. 

Which is why Wada had walked over to Sakrau’s table and leaned over towards her. His piercing eyes stared down at her as she looked over some of her notes that she took in class. Feeling the gaze on her, Sakura glanced up to come face to face with Wada and his slightly concerned expression.

“Is everything okay with you, Hinata-chan?”

Sakura stared at him with a normal bored look, “I’m fine,” she leaned away from him, “now leave me alone, please. I’m trying to study.”

“You always study,” He whined, “but you’ve been glaring at that same paper for over thirty minutes and I’m beginning to think you’re trying to start a fire with your mind.”

She sighed heavily through her nose, knowing that he wasn’t just going to leave her alone like she wanted. For most of the day today, she had been fussed over by Yachi. Sakura really does appreciate the fact that she has a best friend who cares about her and her wellbeing, but it got annoying eventually. Of course, Sakura didn’t say that to Yachi at all since she didn’t want to hurt her feelings or anything. So she was hoping that when she came to her own club that no one would mention anything to her.

Though she realized that she only has herself to blame for this. She was acting more withdrawn than usual, zoning out from time to time and getting lost in her thoughts. She figured that out after noticing the strange looks Shimada was giving her. Maybe she should have done a bit better to make it seem like nothing was bothering her. The last thing she needs is for them to bother her as well.

She looked back down at her papers, not really paying attention to what was on it, “And what if I am?”

Wada gave her a look and sighed, “Listen, I know that we all are a bit worried about you…”

“Why would you be?” Sakura snapped.

“Well, I overheard a little rumor about you getting into a fight with your brother.”

Sakura gritted her teeth, “Damn Endo.” She knew that it had to be him who spread it a bit. Let it be known that Sakura hates how drama hungry Endo Joji can be at times.

Noticing how Sakura was growing uncomfortable and annoyed, Mori decided to speak up. Her heavenly voice said, “Wada, please. If Hinata-chan doesn’t want to talk about anything, then we don’t have to push her.”

“I mean…” Emi trailed off as she, Wada, Yokoyama, and Ito all shared a look with each other. “We all are curious.”

Sakura just grunted, “It’s just personal issues with my brother, that’s all.”

“Oh! Though I heard that you were actually fighting your brother and Kageyama-kun!” Yokoyama exclaimed, a bit excited at the prospect of a fight. She smiled widely, “You must have gotten quite a few punches in, right?”

“No,” Ito shook her head, “she’s too short to throw a proper punch, she definitely went for the legs.”

Wada pursed his lips, “Though her brother is the same height, no?”

“But are you hurt!?” Emi then shouted, becoming extremely worried, “Oh, they would definitely be able to hurt you badly! We-”

Sakura cut off any other stupid rumors or speculations that they could make with a harsh glare, “Can you guys shut up.”

All of them shuttered at the menacing look on Sakura’s face. They could all feel the impending aura surrounding them as Sakura glared at them. They collectively shouted out in fear, “Y-Yes Ma’am!”

With it being obvious that Sakura didn’t want to talk about any of this with them, they decided to leave it alone. They didn’t want to push Sakura too far to the point that she left or anything. So they needed to move on and focus on something else, whether that be showing off some of their photos or complaining about their recent grades. However, there was only one person who seemed to be a bit more 

“You know, it’s okay to say that you’re hurt.” Mori Aiko said softly as she leaned against Sakura’s table. 

“I’m not,” Sakura rubbed her head, “Shōyō couldn’t hit hard enough to leave a bruise or anything.”

Mori gave her a knowing look, one that made Sakura shift uncomfortably in her seat. The crystal blue eyes of the vice president were seemingly looking right through Sakura, and she didn’t really like that. Mori continued to say, “Not physically, emotionally. It’s okay to say that he hurt your feelings, because I can see that it did.”

Sakura looked away from her, not exactly the best at talking about things like her feelings. She played with her fingers for a moment, trying to decide on what to say. “I know he didn’t mean to hurt me or anything, but it did hurt to realize that I couldn’t help him, I guess.” She gnawed on her bottom lip, “Shōyō is the more emotional out of us, and I always know how to help him or see a logical side to things. This time I don’t know. I’ve just… I’ve realized that we need space. My brother and I have been attached at the hip for too long.”

“Did you not think it was healthy?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged her shoulders, “Before I went to bed last night, I had a thought; I had been using Shōyō as a shield to hide from everything, I guess. I used him as an excuse for a lot of things, to explain how I acted or why I did things. Now, after…” There was a little bit of a grimace on her face, “Last night I figured that it’s time to distance myself from that. I’m a high schooler now, I need to learn about myself and not just be a shadow to my twin.”

There had always been a part of her that knew this fact. Knew that she was not really her own person and was hanging onto her brother for far too long. She’s known that ever since she started high school, that’s why she tried to branch out by means of the photography club! She wanted to be her own person, but never really had the push to really make it a reality for it. Though perhaps after last night, this could be the right push that she needed. She didn’t really picture it being because her brother would hurt her, but whatever it was was still good enough to get her on that track.

“That’s very mature of you, Hinata-chan.” Mori smiled, breaking Sakura out of her thoughts, “Realizing that must not have been easy.”

Sakura just shrugged her shoulders, “it was a bit uncomfortable to come to terms with, I guess. Though it’s the truth, so I can’t really deny it or run from it.”

“Still, it's very impressive of you."

"Impressive?” The younger girl pursed her lips. Her cheeks were a bit pink now that she was complemented by such a pretty girl, “Maybe."

“Just make sure you talk with your brother about it. So you both are on the same page.”

Sakura nodded her head, knowing that it was definitely a good idea. So the two were then absorbed back into whatever conversation the rest of their club members were having. Mori felt happy to give Sakura an outlet to talk a bit more about her issues, and Sakura felt lighter to have actually articulated what was running through her head.

---

When it got considerably later in the day, it was time for students to be heading home. Sakura had only stuck around in her club a bit longer because she somewhat dreaded having to see her brother. After all, she knew that they had to have quite the important conversation when they actually got home. She was anxious about it, there was no denying it. Sakura could stand up to other people for her brother, but talking to him about something like this left her nervous. They’ve never really had a moment in their lives where they would have to question their relationship or have serious conversations.

Surprisingly, Shōyō hadn’t been around to nag Sakura about her riding home by herself. Sakura wasn’t sure what to think about it, nor did she even know where he was! She noticed that his bike was still at the bike rack but with practice over she would have figured that he would already be gone or him waiting for her. It certainly was concerning. Though she brushed it off, it had to just be that he was avoiding her somehow. It certainly had become uncomfortable between them since last night so she could understand that.

So perhaps she would get to ride home on her own for once. Even as she grabbed her bike and mounted it, the nagging feeling of the unknown location of her brother was bothering her just a bit. It wasn’t like him to just not be around and not leave some sort of note for her about where he was. Though it’s not like she was really expecting him to since he knew she was somewhat avoiding him. 

Most of the time when the twins got into an argument there were a few things that would happen really. If it was some small disagreement, Shōyō would bother Sakura to the point of annoying her and eventually the two would forget anything happened. If it was something a bit more severe, like this time, they would keep their space from each other. Shōyō kept away to keep any further arguments from happening, until the two cooled off to apologize and then made up. That rarely ever happened since the two never got into large arguments, but it wasn’t impossible.

As she rode home on her own, Sakura was preoccupied with trying to map out what she was going to say to her brother. After all, she had to make her intentions clear. It was the right opportunity, the time to explain her growing feelings about wanting to have distance. Though her mind was thinking about how he was going to react to what she wanted. Would he be angry? Upset? Would he yell at her? Argue with her? Sakura couldn’t be certain about what he would do. This was uncharted territory, if she was being honest with herself.

She arrived home sooner than she thought, too caught up in her mind to really notice. So she put her bike away, greeted her mom and sister, and waited in her shared bedroom for her brother to come home. At one point, she was even thinking of writing her thoughts down to give to Shōyō. That way they would be as clear as possible as she was starting to feel like she would be tongue-tied when she actually got to talk to him. 

“Hi mom!” An excited voice that sent ice into Sakura’s chest shouted from the door. There was a conversation from the kitchen as Shōyō bounced around the home, returning from his trip with Coach Ukai and old Coach Ukai. It was quite the eye-opening practice that he had with the old crow coach and the kids out there. He couldn’t wait to tell Sakura about it! He certainly was conflicted when he found that her bike wasn’t still next to his when he got back, but he understood. It was getting late and as much as he wanted to ride with her to make sure that she was fine, like a big brother should, he didn’t expect her to wait forever. Especially since he’s certain she’s upset with him.

There was quite a bit of apprehension swirling in his gut as he made his way to their shared bedroom. As he walked into his room he found Sakura sitting on her bed, propped up against the wall as she read over some notes like usual. The twins stared at each other for a moment. Both were quite anxious about what the other had to say. Shōyō was quite certain that she was angry with him right now, while Sakura was trying to figure out if he would be angry with her after what she has to say.

As Shōyō put his backpack down next to his bed and plopped down onto it. Might as well as get this over with, she thought to herself. Sakura cleared her throat, “Okay, Shōyō, I wanted to say that I’m not angry with you.”

“You’re not?” Shōyō asked, more than surprised by that.

She shook her head, “No. I put myself between you and the King, so I can’t really blame you or anything, it was an accident.”

He let out a puff of air, relieved that she wasn’t upset with him. Though he hastily said, “I am sorry though! I never want to hurt you, accident or not.”

“Which is why I’m not angry with you.” Sakura chucked slightly before sobering, “But I do want to talk with you about… how clingy I am. ”

Shōyō blinked, “Clingy?” That wasn’t a word that he would use to describe his sister. Especially considering she liked to keep herself away from most people and normally just be around him, their family, or by herself. So why would she think that she’s clingy?

“Yea. I mean I have been since we were infants, mom says so.” Sakura tried to make a bit of a joke, though it didn’t land as Shōyō was just staring at her in confusion. “But even all through school and such. I don’t normally stray far from you.”

He tilted his head in confusion, “that’s an issue?”

Sakura pursed her lips, “well, yes.” It took a moment for her to find the right way to say this. She really should have written it down. At least she’d have a plan on what she was going to say. “I just figured that it would be a good idea to have… distance. You know, so we can do our own things.”

She really did lose him after that as Shōyō attempted to try and find where she was going with this. Honestly, he really was trying to understand since he knew this was a serious conversation but he wasn’t seeing where she was  going with this. “Though we already do our own things… I’m on the volleyball team, and you’re in the photography club.”

“That is true, but…” Sakura sighed, “Okay, let me rephrase that. It would be a good idea for me to find my own identity.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Sakura has an identity. She’s Hinata Sakura! What else could she mean? Oh no! Had he hit her head so hard that she forgot who she was?! This is worse than he thought!!

Before he could freak out about hitting her too hard, Sakura said, “Shōyō, you do know that everyone refers to me as your shadow, your clone. I’m not ‘Sakura’, I’m ‘Shōyō’s twin’.”

He blinked, “Is that wrong?” He wasn’t oblivious enough to not notice that. It had been happening ever since they were little. Sure, when they were a lot younger Sakura was more distinguishable from him since she had longer hair. Though after she got her hair cut sometime in junior high she ended up getting confused with him more often. Considering she kept her hair short, Shōyō didn’t think that she had an issue with that.

“It’s not wrong,” Sakura quickly amended, “but I just… I want to be seen as my own person, you know. When people talk about me or think about me I don’t want their first thought to be Shōyō’s doppelganger’. ”

Shōyō stared at her for a hot moment, trying to understand what she was saying. Was this his fault? Was she actually upset with him and just lying to not hurt his feelings? Had the fight that he had with Kageyama finally driven Sakura to the point where she wanted to distance herself from him? That she felt so annoyed with him that she didn’t even want people to think of her as his twin?

This had to be because being on the volleyball team had made him more emotional. Not to say that he wasn’t emotional about volleyball before they started at Karasuno, but it certainly had escalated. The fight the other day was a good example of that. So was she saying this because she wanted him to not do it anymore? He certainly wouldn’t, but he would consider it for her.

Sakura could see the confusion on his face, figuring that he wasn’t really getting at what she was saying. She tried to make things clear by saying, “There’s nothing wrong with me being called that, but I want to be my own person.”

A sour look consumed his face, “If you don’t like me being on the team you can just say it.”

“That’s not it,” Sakura stated in her own confusion. So he really was taking it the wrong way, just as Sakura had dreaded. How he reached that conclusion, she’s unsure, “I have supported you and your passion, Shōyō, and will not stop doing that.”

“So why do you want to get away from me? Why now?” The only thing, in his mind, that had changed for Sakura to leave him is that he joined the Karasuno team. So that just had to be the reason!

She blinked at the seemingly rising harshness in his words, “It’s not like I just randomly thought of this today.”

“If you had, you would have told me! We tell each other everything, right?”

Sakura looked away, ashamed to admit that wasn’t true, “Not this, I didn’t tell you about this.”

It was as if that was the biggest betrayal to him. After all, they grew up with each other keeping no secrets from each other, no matter what. “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like this?” They never kept things from each other, at least Shoyo thought. It was actually heart breaking for him to realize this.

“I- I just- I didn’t know how to.” She stuttered out, “I honestly was still trying to understand how I felt about it.” How was she going to really articulate to him that she had been struggling with it for a while. That she was bullied quite a bit during junior high over it. That, despite what she tried to portray to him, she was more than insecure about herself due to it. She didn’t think that it would help him to really know that. Maybe he would even feel bad about it, which she didn’t want him to.

He shook his head, “You could have at least mentioned it, because I really don’t understand. You want to just abandon me?”

“That’s not at all what I’m saying!”

“It sounds like it!”

The two were starting to get a bit more heated. Both of their emotions were starting to boil over. With Shōyō taking Sakura’s words the wrong way and Sakura getting frustrated she couldn’t get it right, things were not going all too well.

“There’s nothing that would convince me to abandon you!” Sakura shouted now, “I just want to do my own thing right now, can’t you understand that at least?”

Shōyō grunted, turning away, “No. Because my sister wouldn’t just suddenly want to leave me alone.”

“I’m not- I’m not leaving you alone! At no point did I say that!” Though even if she tried to insist on it, he had turned to face away from her. She figured that with his stubbornness, he was going to make his mind up and stick with it for the time being. There wasn’t much she could say or do that would convince him otherwise. She’ll just have to try again at some point perhaps. She let out a large sigh, there might have been a few tears in her eyes as well though she disregarded that, “Look, I plan on going to Tokyo with you and the team but after that… I’m going to focus on my photography and my own friends.”

Shōyō snapped, “You actually have your own friends?”

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, “Yes. I do.” 

“Really?” He asked sarcastically, “Okay sure, whatever.” It seemed like the conversation was over after that. Whether Sakura had anything else to say to him or any rebuttal, Shōyō wasn’t going to listen as he made his way to the bathroom to change clothes. Even when he came back both of them were quiet. 

Nothing else was said between the twins as they got themselves ready for bed. Maybe Shōyō should have apologized, maybe Sakura should have tried again to make it clear, but it was already too late. There was a bitter taste in both of their mouths. Whatever attempt that either wanted to make amends with each other was just a pipe dream at this point. If anything, this might have just made things a bit more difficult than to begin with.

---

If there was one thing that just about everyone noticed, it was that Sakura wasn’t coming to their practices as much anymore. The boys were used to having Sakura sitting on the sidelines alongside their managers and coach, so not having her there was a bit strange. There was no sarcastic or snide remarks made by her on the sidelines and it was just strange for everyone. 

“Where do you think Sakura is?” Yamaguchi asked his best friend, only a little concerned at the girl’s disappearance. She was always at their practices, even skipping her own club if it meant getting to be at theirs. A few times, Yamaguchi will admit, he has tried to convince her to go to her own club. It might have swayed her even a little bit a couple of times, but nothing too significant. As her friend, he does his best to encourage her to do well with her photography. Ever since they had a heart to heart some time ago and grown closer as friends, he likes to believe that he’s getting to her a bit. 

Perhaps that’s why she wasn’t here! Focusing on her own interests and finding her love for it. After the last gallery he saw of hers, he knew she was growing stronger in her confidence, so maybe not being at the practice was her just going to her own club to work on her passion. At least, he hoped.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue, going about his stretch like normal, “What does it matter? One less person to annoy us.”

The green-haired boy tilted his head slightly, “Even you have to be wondering though.”

He deadpanned, “No.”

Yamaguchi didn’t seem to be as convinced, he just hummed. He knows his best friend, and knows that there’s at least a little part of him that is wondering about her. Yamaguchi is more than aware that Tsukishima had a bit more of an interest in Sakura. He chalked that up to Tsukishima doing what he could to get a rise out of Sakura from time to time, or when he was annoyed by her brother. Yamaguchi couldn’t really pinpoint if Tsukishima enjoyed her being around, but he knew that Tsukishima at least noticed it. Ever since they first came into practice, Tsukishima’s eyes drifted, ever so slightly, towards the managers. It wouldn’t be all that strange, However, Yamaguchi just knew that Tsukishima was looking for Sakura. As much as he could say that Tsukishima is his best friend, the blond could still be a bit of an enigma to him. There was something that Yamaguchi noticed every once in a while from Tsukishima. He wasn’t going to voice his questions or suspicions just yet, but he knows for a fact that it has to do with Sakura.

He had a feeling that Tsukishima was frustrated by Sakura, more often than he’d like to admit. In the beginning, Yamaguchi saw why Sakura ticked him off. They are very much alike and Sakura never really acted the way that Tsukishima wanted her to when he tried to get a rise out of her. He expected her to be like her brother, much like how she looks like a clone to him. Though since she’s got quite a pessimistic personality, much like himself, Yamaguchi theorizes that Tsukishima wasn’t expecting it. He even theorizes that Tsukishima was surprised to the point that he wanted to push her to the point where she did react. Yamaguchi wasn’t supportive of this, obviously. Though what was he going to do about it? 

So he just dropped the subject. Either way, Yamaguchi might be lost in his thoughts about how his two friends were acting, but there was one person lost in his thoughts about his sister. Shōyō was the one who mainly could sense Sakura’s disappearance, since he was blaming himself for her not being there. Like a part of him was missing, and it really didn’t sit right with him.

Even if Ukai was talking to him, Shōyō wasn’t completely registering it in his mind. He was understanding the plan that Ukai wanted to try during this practice, but his mind was still thinking about the absence of his sister. Even when they were heading to school, Sakura kept herself distanced from him. He certainly wasn’t used to 

“All right, let’s get this started!” Their coach said as he rallied them all together. “Make sure you stay hydrated!”

All the boys lined up to get ready, “Right.”

As all the boys were getting ready for their practice, Yachi had something on her mind. “Um… Hinata.” She nervously tried to get Shōyō’s attention. “U-Um, I was wondering if you were okay… You and Kageyama-kun, um, uh…”

Shōyō just smiled, a bit wistfully, like he wasn’t completely hearing her, “I’m fine.”

Yachi let out a relieved sigh, glad that there might be some resolution between them. Though she could tell that there was an underlying emotion that surrounded the boy. No doubt in her mind that it was about his sister. As the boys went about their practice, Yachi thought back to the school day. Sakura had been a bit more reserved than normal, which is saying something since Sakura does love to keep to herself in class. Yachi had been a bit fussy over Sakura, she realized how pushy she might have been. But she had wanted to see if Sakura was really ok! She wanted to make sure that she wasn’t hurt, how her and her brother were after it, and if it was as bad as Yachi thought. Sakura didn’t say too much about it. Though she did reassure Yachi that everything was fine, that her brother was fine, and nothing was wrong. Yachi didn’t completely believe her, and really did try to hold herself back, but she was anxious to know. Perhaps she was being too pushy. Though she really was just worried for her friend! She just hoped that Sakura was doing okay now while at her own club. 

“Say, Yachi-chan,” a sly voice slid over to her, “where is our little paparazzi-chan?”

She blinked up at Endo, who suddenly appeared beside her. The intense gaze that he was pinpointing her with caused a shiver to crawl down her spine. “Uh, at her club, probably.”

Endo hummed, “A bit weird that she isn’t here.”

Yachi just blinked at him, “Well, m-maybe.” She really didn’t like it whenever Endo got into her personal space and looked at her like this.

He tapped his chin, “Just makes me wonder… Is our little decoy in a fight with his clone?” He really couldn’t wait to find out what was going on with the twins. Oh, how fun it might end up being.

---

When Asahi had asked Endo to stick around and help him practice a bit, Endo was more than happy to oblige. Any time he can get to hang around with his best friend, he certainly was going to take it. An added plus was getting to avoid his father for even longer by staying in the gym. So he just worked on setting the ball to Asahi so he could spike it. Then they would swap so Endo could work on his own spikes. Though they also took some breaks for Asahi to work on his serves. Since that was the biggest thing that Asahi had wanted to work on, Endo was more than happy to help him with that when needed.

Though just as Asahi served another ball over the net with some strong determination behind it, their libero came out of nowhere and saved it from hitting the floor. “Asahi-san! Endo-san! Mind if I join you?”

Asahi just blinked at him, put out that Nishinoya could easily receive his serve. “Oh, yeah. Sure.”

Endo shrugged his shoulders noncommittally, “I guess.” He had been hoping to just have practice between him and Asahi, but he supposed that it was fine. Nishinoya could join if he wanted. Not that he was going to be salty about it or anything, he’s not Tsukishima. Besides out of the others to join, Endo supposed that Nishinoya was alright.

Nishinoya excitedly asked, “Would you mind hitting some of my tosses?”

“Yeah, sure.” It took a moment for the libero’s words to hit him, but Asahi blinked when he finally understood, “Uh, wait, what? You’re going to toss?”

“Did you change positions?” Endo asked, also thoroughly confused.

Nishinoya smiled, “I’ll help you with your serves, too, Asahi-san. Then I can help Endo with your receives since they’re horrible.”

Endo scowled, “they’re not that bad.”

A determined look came over Asahi’s face, “Sure. Let’s do this.”

“All right!”

So the trio practiced for a while. Nishinoya worked on his technique to toss the ball, Asahi worked on his serves, and Endo was just there helping them out where they needed to. Not that Endo thought he didn’t have anything that he could work on, he certainly could improve a lot of his skills. Though what was the point in him working on something when two starters had to work on something. It was more important.

At one point, Asahi had said he needed a break to go to the bathroom, so obviously they paused. Endo sat himself down against the edge of the wall, a bit tired. He wasn’t exactly tired from practicing, since he was really just hitting the ball to Nishinoya for him to set and Asahi to 

“Endo,” Nishinoya said, standing over him now “Do you really want to be on this team?”

He chuckled loudly, “Whoa, quite blunt there, Nishi!”

“With you I know I have to be.” The libero then peered down closely at him, “So?” 

Endo didn’t really like the way that Nishinoya was staring at him. Like he was trying to look right through him to find out what was going on in his head. He never likes when people try to do that. Endo pursed his lips in thought, before deciding on what to say, “My father… He’s not exactly supportive of me staying on the team.”

“Though you’re still here.”

Endo scoffed, “Obviously! I will take any chance I get to spite him! Though he did say some things that made me question why I’m here to begin with.” 

After the loud conversation that he had with his father about volleyball, his future career and their relationships as a whole, Endo was at a bit of a loss. There were revelations between them that it was a good thing that they talked about. Even though Endo said to him that he wanted to keep doing volleyball during his highschool career, he questioned it still. If he really didn’t intend on continuing playing into university what was the point of playing now? Should he be focusing on his studies for his entrance exams? Going with his father to the company and learning more about it?

“Hey!” Nishinoya shouted, abruptly breaking Endo from his own thoughts, “If you’re starting to have doubts about being on the team, figure it out quickly! Either get off the team or stay!” Endo blinked at the loudness of his friend, with his mouth a bit agape at his yells. Nishinoya continued with a hard look on his face, “If you leave I’ll definitely call you a coward, though understand why, especially with your father breathing down your neck.”

Endo scoffed, “My father did make some good points, since I’m destined to work at his company and take over when the time comes, I should be focusing on my studies more.”

At the mention of studying, Nishinoya’s nose wrinkled. “So? Are you going to quit now, even when we’re close to getting a chance at winning!”

Endo had put quite a lot into this team. Effort that his father may not understand, but effort that Endo was proud of. So what was he going to do? He licked his lips, “I wanted to stick around for as long as I can, I want to see you guys win. I want to see Asahi happy because of it.” Yeah, he definitely would be more than content with seeing Asahi happy. He shook his head, “Though it’s not like I’m important to the team or anything.”

“It doesn’t matter if you're a starter or a bench warmer, you’re a part of this team!” Nishinoya said strongly, seemingly trying to get that notion out of Endo’s head.

Endo didn’t think that he was valuable to the team, not in the slightest. He was never a starter, his teammates were always so much better than him, and he never put the same amount of time into the team like they did. He did what was asked of him, but never overachieved. Nishinoya saying that he was important to the team was… 

Nishinoya continued, “All I’m saying is either commit or don’t waste more time!”

---

Yeah, Nishinoya is right, Endo thought every time he was at practice after that day. He never knew he would believe that, but Nishinoya does have his moments it seems. So as time past and they had their practices, Endo was making his decision. He wanted to stick around. He wants to be with his friends, he’s only in high school once, and he wasn’t going to let the responsibilities of adulthood haunt him yet.

Karasuno’s practices were going well. The team was coming up with new playstyles, improving on their existing skills and having fun doing it. Yes, Shoyo was a bit of a downer at times, most likely due to his sister’s absence, but he worked through it.

Not seeing Sakura at practice had become the norm. It worried a few, didn’t matter to others, and was interesting to one. After all, everyone had been accustomed to having her at every practice no matter what since the beginning of the school year. Everyone figured that it had to do with the fight that had happened between their sunshine decoy and gloomy setter. However, they had to wonder what Sakura thought about it. 

Meanwhile, Sakura was at her own club, listening in on the plans for the “Heroes” gallery. She wouldn’t say that she’s happier not being at the volleyball practices, but she also wasn’t upset about not being there. She did miss getting to talk with Kiyoko and Yachi. However, not having to deal with the volleyball idiots like Tsukishima, Nishinoya, Kageyama, Tanaka, Endo was a near god-send. Now she just had to deal with the idiots within her own club. So she was… content for the time being. Even if she was still upset about the argument she had with her brother. Though she’d push that to the back of her mind. They had the gallery tonight, just before summer vacation started, so they were getting that all settled. She certainly was excited about that since she got the photo that she wanted. Even if it made her feel a bit… sorrowful.  Though for now she’d just focus on how Ito and Wada were arguing yet again about something trivial.

In the volleyball club’s gym, Takeda gathered the boys all together. “Now, that it’s summer vacation, we can practice from morning to night.” He said to the group after one of their practices, “And starting tomorrow, we’ll resume the Tokyo away games. This time, we’ll be there for a solid week! This is the first and last long-term training camp before the spring tournament prelims. Let’s make the most of this opportunity, so we have no regrets entering the spring tournament prelims.” All of the boys definitely were eager to get the chance to play against such talented teams at the camp. One of the most eager, was Shōyō. Even with the fact that his sister and him hadn’t been on the best of terms, he put all his effort in getting better. With the team and his time with old Coach Ukai, he certainly thinks that he’s improved. Hopefully, he could use that to convince Sakura that she doesn’t need to leave to “find her identity” when she should be perfectly fine with being his twin.

---

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A/N: Ah, so a little bit of conflict between the twins now, and it's serious. I figured I wanted their to be some misunderstanding between the twins since they never have had something like that happen to them before. They're not perfect siblings, but they've never argued to the point of staying away from each other, you know what I mean. Just figured it was a good way to have some character development between them. Then we've got the Tokyo training camp coming up next, but before that, we've got another gallery to see from Sakura! Not going to lie, I feel like the actual dialogue that I wrote for the agreement between Shōyō and Sakura was a bit... lacking, but I think it does it's job. Until the next one, my friends~

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Saturday 24th June 2023 - Bands, Lyn Lapid and parties (but i wasn't invited) I currently have 'to love in the 21st century' blasting my eardrums out as I type this, so I think it's fair to say Lyn is singlehandedly making me deaf by the time im 20.

I also got a huge part in the local production of Little Women - Beth!! She's the second-youngest sister and I am super excited to play hear as I adore Little Women in general, the movie and books are incredible. Rehearsals start soon and the performances are in October.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers that I tried to ask Janek out - let's just say it was one hell of a failure. It's almost been two weeks since I asked and I still have no answer. I can't really be bothered to try and ask him again - I'm taking it as a no and moving on as best as I can. He's currently at Harvey's for a party, which is basically just a boys' night in. With alcohol, I believe. Which, definitely could be interesting. Mattson is there too, as is Eliot. Harvey did consider inviting Alison and I but decided against it, since well, it's a guys' night. To be honest, I probably would've spent most of my time avoiding Janek as to not make it awkward and trying to stick to Alison's side while she flirts helplessly with Harvey. So I would've been third-wheeling at a guys' night. Not the best. Talking of parties, Harry and Matty got invited to Sienna's, a girl I used to sit next to in chem. Alison and Valerie are going too. I hope they have a good time, imma just sit here and type and write cards and scrapbook for most of the evening now. Today was spent at band rehearsal because I have a concert tomorrow evening and we are not prepared for it - but I know I probably will be fine as long as I play the right notes (and I can do that. I hope.) It's also Reagan's birthday fling tomorrow, and the council are going to an escape room, which could be seriously interesting. I'm sure I'll hear all about it and I'll keep whatever strangers who read these updated. Anyway I'm off, I have thank-you cards to write and a scrapbook to doodle on. ~CM

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

disliking this pattern of waking up around 3-4 pm, taking medicine and feeding cats, just to go back to sleep for a few more hours.

like. i'm still gonna lay back down in a few minutes. it feels like i still haven't rested enough. but lately it's like i've only been awake for eight or nine hours at a time. i haven't even been able to go to therapy just bc i kept missing appointments and i gave up trying.

on the other hand, this is the first time i've been allowed to just. rest. for as long as i need to. with no worries about having to get up for work or force myself to align with someone else's schedule.

my entire life, i was told to fix my priorities, bc sleep was less important than school and work and family time and chores and homework. and then i'd get a talking to about my productivity or my performance in school or at work because i'm too exhausted to focus.

and when i lived with mom again for a year and a half, of course it got worse. my exhaustion didn't matter. and i knew it didn't matter to my mom, because she would be like

"tell me why you haven't done (insert thing, like job search or dog training or art commissions etc etc), and without any of your excuses."

the second she would say "excuse", it was like i lost. bc i didn't understand what she meant. how could i explain that the reason i wasn't "productive" every single fucking day wasn't a goddamn excuse, it was THE REASON.

i was a fucking zombie during the day. sleep meant nothing if i had to get up before i was rested anyway. and it drove her nuts that i had to sleep so much. she'd get passive aggressive telling me i should get up before noon, and she'd use the same tone as when she'd insist i do "grown up" things (while also refusing to treat me like one)

so every day now i've just. let myself sleep. despite the guilt about being unproductive. and despite how much i miss going outside every day. i know one day i won't be struggling so much, and i can take regular trips to a park or something.

but today's Sunday so whatever imma smoke a bowl and nap a little more, fuck you mom for instilling existential guilt in my soul